The Berk Maneuver
by deepfathom
Summary: Plotting to use him as leverage to take over Berk, a band of pirates with an eccentric leader abducts Hiccup.
1. Chapter 1

**Part 1**

Astrid and Toothless stood aghast in the doorway of the Haddock home.

"Hiccup!" she said when at last she found her voice.

Rushed footsteps crunched on the bits of shattered crockery as they took off across the wreckage in the main room to the stairs.

"Hiccup, where are you?!" Astrid screamed as they climbed up and burst into the loft.

Just like downstairs, there were obvious signs of a struggle: ripped books, charts, maps, papers and charcoal pencils scattered across the floor, bedcovers tossed in every direction, wooden furniture overturned and smashed to pieces.

"No…oh no…"

She dropped to her knees and began pawing through the mess, searching for anything, any clue that could tell her where he might be. Judging by the board ripped clean out of the floor, Hiccup had apparently put up a killer fight, taking advantage of one of the weapon stashes she had insisted on planting around the house for emergencies just like this one. Nevertheless, whoever he was fighting had overpowered and taken off with him anyway. Her stomach sank. Her carefully placed precautions seemed to have worked at first, but ultimately failed in their purpose to keep Hiccup safe.

From the second he became chief, it had occurred to Astrid that he might be in some danger as a leader, especially a younger, mostly inexperienced one. The Archipelago was a dangerous place to live even at the best of times, but Vikings being Vikings, none of its inhabitants would have it any different. Either that or they were just too stubborn to move, which was much more likely. Getting kidnapped, knifed, drowned, blown off course never to be seen again, eaten by sharks, _fed_ to sharks, or in any other way injured or killed was simply part of day-to-day life.

A worried growl interrupted her racing thoughts and brought her clawing efforts to a halt. She glanced over to see Toothless standing rigid, staring at one of the only objects left on the desk.

Even before she saw the words scrawled across it, she knew the note was of the ransom variety. It had to be. No one just left a memo to let you know they'd kidnapped somebody you cared about, have a nice day. She stood, fierce anger boiling inside her with every step as she realized in horror that this heinous message was written in Hiccup's handwriting and pinned in place with his own dagger.

 _If you want him back alive…_

….

Astrid's assumptions and fears were correct. Naturally, Hiccup didn't have nearly as much hand-to-hand combat training as she did, but he had indeed put up quite a fight, relying on several moves she had taught him and a few more creative ones of his own.

It had started out like any other normal evening on Berk. The sky darkened and the village bustle quieted. Vikings returned to their homes from another long day with their dragons by their sides. Ships were moored safely in the harbor, sails folded and nets carefully stowed in preparation to continue their routine the next day.

Hiccup sat at the desk in his room, unwinding with his usual evening ritual of adding notes and sketches to the Book of Dragons and working on his ever-growing, ever-changing map of the world outside of the Archipelago. Earlier, as he was walking in the door, he bumped into Astrid on her way with Toothless tagging along just for fun. The couple exchanged a quick smooch before she explained that she was headed to the arena to practice for an upcoming axe-throwing competition. After all, as the reigning champion, she did have a title to defend.

"Have fun," he said, knowing not much else in the world made her happier than throwing large weapons at things.

"I'll be back late," she replied, then gave him a sly wink. "Don't get into any trouble while I'm out."

Hiccup laughed dryly. "Right, like drawing maps is so dangerous."

"Well, you never know…"

Hiccup was right, of course. Drawing up maps is possibly one of the least dangerous activities one can engage in…unless your back is turned and someone with a knife is creeping silently up the stairs behind you.

That was why it was so alarming when that someone grabbed him from behind and pressed something cold and sharp into his throat. He let out a yelp, dropping the charcoal pencil to the desktop with a clatter.

"Yer a lot younger and scrawnier than I was expectin' for a chief," the intruder hissed in his ear. The voice was deep, scratchy and unfamiliar, the breath that came along with it ten times worse than any pile of rotten fish Hiccup had ever had ever encountered.

"Uh…wh-who're you…?" Hiccup carefully reached for the dagger he kept tucked in his belt when he wasn't in full riding gear.

"Don't."

Never mind. It would probably only complicate things anyway.

"Haa…ahaha, you got me. I was actually just wondering why on earth I would do something as stupid as trying to defend myself." Hiccup lifted his hands in the air to show they were empty. "Also, how did you get in here?"

"Just doin' me job."

"Which is…what exactly?"

"Stop yer blatherin' and do as I say."

Not wanting to test the knife-handling skills of his uninvited visitor, Hiccup shut his mouth. Bits and pieces of hasty escape plans chased themselves around inside his head, but none of them seemed good enough to warrant thinking about. So he remained still and silent for the time being.

"You'll be writin' a note. A ransom note."

He rolled his eyes. _Oh perfect_.

It had crossed his mind once or twice that some kind of situation like this might arise now that he was a tribal chief. Unfortunately, he'd often dismissed the thought, figuring that Astrid or Toothless or any of his other friends would be there to help bail him out. Now it hit home why Astrid had insisted on dragging him out to the arena every week to work on basic self-defense tactics. The question was, could he remember them now that he actually needed to use them?

Slowly, Hiccup slid a blank sheet of paper across the desk in front of him and picked up the pencil.

"Good," the stranger said. Jumping right into business, he began relaying a message from whoever he was working for. "'If you want him back alive…'"

 _Typical._

"'…or at least in one piece, you will grant us access to the caverns under Berk…'"

 _Ohhhhhh no…_

Charcoal scraped against paper as Hiccup quickly dictated.

"'…and submit to our total rule over your island as a base of operations and the use of your people and dragons for labor and trade.'"

 _Not good. Not good, not good, not good…_

He kept scribbling.

"'If any of the demands listed above are not met, consider the reign of your current chief over and in the most horrible way imaginable.'"

Hiccup swallowed.

"'Don't cross me or I will make things considerably worse. I really mean it. Signed Boulderella the Backhanded—'"

"Boulderwhatta the what-handed?" Hiccup snorted, then immediately regretted it as the blade dug deeper into his neck. "Right, sorry…"

"'Captain of the _Screaming Valkyrie_ , Queen of the High Seas, Pirate Supreme, and Connoisseur of Fine Meats and Cheeses.'"

It took everything Hiccup had not to laugh out loud as he scrawled out the list of titles. With a name like that, how threatening could this Boulderella person actually be? Maybe it would be easier to find a way out of this than he thought.

"Time to go. She'll be expectin' ya."

"Whoooa, hold on, what makes you think I'm just going to—" he was yanked roughly out of the chair. "Um, on second thought—hey!'

The knife left his throat and Hiccup found himself being shoved to the floor on his stomach. He turned over, propping himself on his elbows and froze, jaw dropping open at the sight of the huge, burly man in front of him. Only his eyes were visible between the mask that covered the rest of his face and a helmet that looked a little too small for his massive head. He was dressed in all black, a coil of rope across his chest and a few other useful tools and pouches attached to his belt, including more knives of various sizes and a bolas. Definitely one of those pillaging and seafaring-type Vikings you never, _ever_ wanted to cross paths with.

In one swift movement that suggested many years of practice at this type of thing, the pirate forced Hiccup to the ground with a boot in the chest, snatched the dagger from his belt and stabbed it through the paper on the desk with a dull thunk. Stepping aside and grasping a fistful of Hiccup's shirt, the man hauled him upright again, assuming his former position behind him with one arm around his chest and the knife at his throat.

 _Think, Hiccup, think! What would Astrid do? How would she handle this?_

Probably not like he was about to, that was for sure. It was a terrible, spur-of-the-moment plan, but anything was worth a shot. Before the man could start pushing him toward the stairs, Hiccup seized the hand holding the knife, brought it up to his mouth and sank his teeth into it. It was dirty, salty and disgusting, but he didn't have the time or desire to wait around critiquing the flavor of a human hand.

The knife dropped to the floor and Hiccup took the opportunity to kick it far across the room. Then, as the man howled in pain and anger, he whipped around, planted his prosthetic foot square in his stomach and shoved with everything he had, sending himself toppling in the process. Caught off guard and off balance, the man tipped, landing heavily on the ground.

Quickly, Hiccup scrabbled up and hopped over him, charging into the second part of his plan, which was to open the rooftop hatch, scramble outside and slide down the steep roof. He made it as far as pushing the hatch open, then a pair of beefy arms wrapped around his middle, yanked him back and threw him to the floor. There was barely time to flop over to his stomach before the brute the hands belonged to landed on top of him.

It was an excellent method of taking away the breath of one's victim and briefly immobilizing them in order tie them up and carry them off. However, the pirate had unknowingly made a serious error bringing Hiccup down too close one of Astrid's hidden weapon stashes.

Winded but still in control of his survival instincts, the chief slid a couple fingers through a gap in a specific floorboard, ripped it up and reached inside the hole underneath it. His hand brushed against a long, heavy object and he seized it, not caring what it was as long as it got him out from under this villain and downstairs to get his sword. Without bothering to look or take aim, he lobbed it over his head. There was a clang as it made contact, then more howling—this time mixed with some impressive cursing—and the man's weight lifted.

Hiccup rolled to his back, throwing out another kick that sent the man stumbling backwards into the desk, then got up and bolted for the stairs, leaving overturned furniture, bedcovers, Astrid's extra heavy duty armor, the actual bed and anything else that might slow the pursuit of his attacker in his wake.

He skipped most of the steps, leaping to the ground and darting to the table as soon as he landed. One foot away, he stopped dead, eyes widening and hand hovering outstretched for the weapon that was no longer there. In its place was a wooden bowl filled with...

" _Yak butter_?!" he blurted, wheeling around in a circle. "Sword, sword, where's my sworrrrd…"

It was no use. _Inferno_ wasn't anywhere in the room, leaving him with no choice but to get outside, which, he thought wryly, was probably what should have focused on in the first place.

At the sound of fast, heavy footfalls descending the stairs behind him, he dropped the search for the weapon and tore across the room for the door. Just as he stretched out an arm for the handle, he heard the whistling sound of a bolas hurtling through the air. There was no chance to dive out of the way. The ropes and their heavy weights caught and twirled tightly around his legs, tripping him up and sending him sprawling. Struggling to turn over, he caught the wicked grin the pirate flashed him, and crab-crawled backwards as fast as he could.

"Nice try, chief. Yer still comin' with me."

Before Hiccup could do anything more, he was picked up like he weighed next to nothing and pulled into a crushing chokehold. Gasping for breath, he writhed and kicked, trying to pry the arms away from his neck and throw his entire weight back at the same time. Finally, after a monumental heave, the pair pitched sideways, smashing into a shelf and sending crockery and other odds and ends crashing to the ground.

"I am _not_ …going _anywhere_ …with _you_!" Hiccup choked out through gritted teeth, emphasizing each word with a sharp elbow-jab to the ribs of his assailant.

The man's grip loosened enough for him to wriggle free and fall forward onto the table. Soon enough, two gigantic paw-like hands closed around his neck and pushed him down onto the surface. Thrashing wildly, Hiccup twisted to face him, left hand scrabbling to dig a handful of butter from the bowl.

The pirate never saw it coming. One moment he was simply doing his job, throttling a pluckier-than-usual kidnapping victim, and the next he was blinded by a thick, yellowish goop. Although it tasted pretty good, it infuriated him nonetheless.

"Ya little troll-eatin'—"

Hiccup had been called worse. Quickly, he rolled across the tabletop, making sure to overturn it once he landed on the opposite side. Unfortunately, it didn't do much good since his legs were still tangled in the bolas and he couldn't run even if he wanted to…which he did. Strive as he might to keep his balance, he knew this was the end.

His attacker, fueled by berserk anger, smeared the butter from his face and cleared the toppled table in one leap. Before he thought to duck, Hiccup felt something hard and flat (probably one of the conveniently scattered frying pans on the floor) collide with his head. The force sent him reeling into the wall behind him and the room whirled sickeningly as he sank to the floor. Still conscious but very, very stunned, Hiccup couldn't do much else than tilt his head away from the horrid breath as the pirate tied his hands behind his back and then began wrapping up his entire torso with rope.

"Bit excessive…don't you think?" he slurred after the job was complete.

His captor merely grunted, pulling him up and hauling him to the door. Hiccup offered no resistance as he was half-carried, half-dragged down the front steps of his own home…until he caught sight of the faint lantern light bobbing up the path.

"Astrid," he gasped in realization, then shouted out, "Astrid, help! Astrmmf—"

One huge, smelly hand clamped down over most of Hiccup's face, stifling any further noise as they ducked around the side of the house. He squirmed and writhed in a desperate effort to free himself just long enough to get the pair's attention. The tree trunk-thick arm around his chest tightened, as did the grip over his face, only making him panic as his primary concern rapidly switched from making himself heard to trying to breathe.

Through the dizziness fogging the edges of his mind, the young chief listened as the two individuals he cared about most-not to mention his last hope of rescue-climbed the steps together and opened the door. Half a second later, he heard Astrid gasp sharply, then call out his name as she and Toothless dashed into the fresh ruins of the main room.

"Don't try anything stupid," came the growl in his ear.

The hand released.

Shouting for help now about the last thing on his mind, Hiccup gulped in breath after breath of precious air while being shoved to the ground and propped against the side of the house.

"What're you trying to do, _suffocate_ me?!" he wheezed.

The man shrugged, seeming unapologetic. "Gotta shutcha up somehow."

"Ok, fine, but is there an option where you don'tmmfgh—" he gurgled off as a large wad of fabric was stuffed into his mouth and another strip quickly tied around it and secured at the back of his head for good measure. Yes, this would definitely shut him up while at least allowing him to breathe.

"There," jeered the pirate. "That better, or ya want me t'try somethin' different?"

"Hnrghf," Hiccup replied, shaking his head vigorously.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

Astrid ripped the paper from the desk. Just who did this "Boulderella" think she was, snatching Hiccup right out from under her nose and using him as a pawn to threaten Berk? The brashness of the message grated at her nerves, making her antsy and her fingers itchy for the handle of her axe. One thing was for sure: whatever it took, she was going to get him back. And she was going to do some damage along the way. _Major_ damage.

"What do you think, Toothless," she said, holding out the torn note.

Toothless took one sniff and crouched, laying back his ears and growling fiercely. Astrid straightened and pulled the massive battle-axe from her back to run a thumb along one of the razor sharp edges.

"That's exactly what I had in mind."

….

With his victim properly subdued and silenced, the pirate could now walk right through the village without being apprehended. After rubbing his dirty hands together and giving a soft, malicious sort of snicker, he knelt and lifted Hiccup, putting him under one arm like a piece of luggage. Then he began the lumbering trek to the docks and the undoubtedly generous reward waiting for him at the end of his journey…wherever it led.

With every step the giant took, Hiccup pleaded harder and harder to any deity who would listen that someone, _anyone_ would peek out a window or crack open a door. In a sudden, desperate spurt of panicked energy, Hiccup squirmed, kicking out as hard as he could in hopes of throwing off his captor's balance. If he could stall long enough, someone was bound to notice this overly suspicious scene going on smack in the middle of the village.

Surprisingly, the pirate lost his grip and within half a second, Hiccup found himself up close and personal with the dirt. Flopping to his side, he attempted to scoot along the ground like a worm in an effort to put as much ground between him and his kidnapper as possible. It was a useless endeavor, of course, and before he made it farther than the five inches of headway he'd gained, he was yet again picked up. It was almost insulting the way the pirate could swing him over both shoulders like a shepherd would a sheep, making it much easier for him to carry his load and much harder for the load to fight back anymore.

"Oh, stop you're wriggling," the pirate grunted as Hiccup gave one last, futile jerk. "Yer comin' with me and that's that."

"Hrrnf!"

"Yes, ya are. Nobody can hear ya and nobody's comin' to yer rescue, so pipe down and deal with it."

To Hiccup's misfortune and utter frustration, the large man was right. Not one citizen of Berk happened to have forgotten an out-of-doors task or simply needed to step out for a breath of fresh air that evening. All houses remained sealed off to the night, their inhabitants blissfully unaware that some hairy galoot was making off with their chief.

All inhabitants, that is, except one.

….

Astrid pounded on Gobber's door, the two halves of the ransom note crushed in her fist.

"Gobber!" she shouted. "Gobber, I need to talk to you right now!"

"Alright, alright, lassie," the blacksmith said as the door swung open, "keep ye helmet on."

"Hiccup's gone." Astrid shoved the note under his nose. "Kidnapped."

Stupefied, Gobber blinked for a moment, then snatched the ripped pieces out of her hand and turned, motioning for the girl and the dragon to follow him inside. He examined both halves closely in the light of a lantern, rubbing his chin while his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"The caverns under Berk?" he muttered slowly, shaking his head. "Why…?"

"Toothless and I have been at the arena for the past two hours," Astrid continued. "When we came home five minutes ago, the whole place was torn apart…"

At that, Gobber spun back around for the door, prompting Astrid and Toothless to yet again hurry along behind him, and the group raced back to the Haddock house. Well…as fast as a peg-legged old Viking could race, anyway, which _was_ remarkably fast all things considered.

"We have to do something," Astrid urged, stepping over debris to keep up with him as they entered the home. "I'll go get the other riders and we'll—"

"Now hang on a bit. Let's no' go jumpin' to any conclusions yet, aye?"

Astrid resisted the urge to stamp a boot down in exasperation. "Jumping to—Gobber, what more is there to conclude? Hiccup's gone, everything is smashed and whoever took him forced him to write his own ransom note!"

Gobber bent to pick up a broken lantern. "Hm. Wick's still hot…"

Astrid's eyes widened, realizing what he was implying. The abduction had likely occurred just before she and Toothless had come back from the arena, maybe even as they were walking up the path in full view of the house. It could have happened right in front of them and they'd missed the whole thing.

Unable to keep it in any longer, she let out a fierce cry of anger and frustration, swinging the axe and burying one side of it deep into the wall. All of her plans and extra measures, all of her determination and private oaths to make sure Hiccup stayed safe had been useless.

"There's nothin' ye could've done, lassie. Hiccup's a chief now, very prominent one too considerin' the battle with tha' bewilderbeest and all. Et was bound t'happen sooner or later." He laid his hand on her shoulder. "Now et's our job to bring'im back. Unless he's already figured somethin' ou' for himself, o'course…"

….

Hiccup had definitely not figured something out for himself, o'course. At least not yet. As it turns out, options can get pretty limited while one's bound, gagged and being carted like cargo by a pirate to an unknown fate at the hands of someone named "Boulderella".

However, not being able to talk gave him plenty of time to think. There was no way to know exactly where he would end up in the long run, but a painfully obvious amount of signs pointed to a boat or a ship as their current destination. Probably a big one, if the name of the captain had any bearing on it, with an array of useful things onboard.

That gave him a sliver of hope, but it hinged first and foremost on him being able to somehow untie himself. It wasn't really a plan, rather the bare beginnings of one. One that would have to wait until he could actually see what he had to work with to put it into action.

And, uncomfortable and miserable as he was, he could wait for that.

...Maybe.

….

The alarm was raised and within moments, the other dragon riders, the Berk Guard, plus a good amount of villagers fanned out like mad ants on an anthill to search every nook and cranny of Berk.

Astrid walked impatiently through the woods between Toothless and Stormfly, fingering the leather bindings on the axe handle as she stomped along. She wasn't convinced in the slightest that Hiccup was still on the island, as Gobber figured, but for now, she remained with the members of her search party at his request, promising not to do anything impulsive or rash. Luckily, he hadn't noticed her crossing her fingers behind her back as she said it.

 _This is pointless,_ she thought, kicking aside a small stone. _The kidnapper would have to be incredibly stupid to stick around here after taking off with someone important like the chief._

All around her through the dark, Hiccup's name was being shouted over and over. Dragons and their riders circled overhead, but none of them came swooping down with any kind of news. Gut instinct told her that they would receive no answer from Hiccup, nor find any shred of evidence as to where he'd disappeared to.

She stopped suddenly, chewing on a lip. If he going to be found, she'd have to go out there and find him herself-but not yet. She would bide her time, waiting for the opportune moment to slip away unnoticed…

….

The pirate kept right on trudging past the main docks to a tiny, conveniently hidden cove under a rocky outcropping. The shores of Berk were riddled with little holes and hideaways like this one, so it was no wonder nobody had seen him coming. This was becoming a bit of a common problem and Hiccup made a mental note to thoroughly scout out the shorelines and double the watch when all this was over…if he lived through it.

His captor stopped beside a small rowboat pulled up on the sand before lifting Hiccup all the way over his head and unceremoniously dumping him into it. After shoving off, the pirate joined him, except he got to sit on a bench and row while Hiccup had to lie on the boat's cold, damp bottom. Unable to move, there was absolutely no way to shift or position himself so that he didn't have to stare straight up into the man's face. Much to his distaste and annoyance, he found that the man seemed determined, even found it amusing to stare right back at him from between the mask and the helmet.

This was going to be one long and awkward boat trip.


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

Astrid and Toothless lagged farther and farther behind their group, making sure to pace themselves so as not to raise suspicion. It had taken some coaxing and extra morsels of chicken, but Astrid had finally talked Stormfly into staying behind on Berk as a decoy, thinking that if her dragon was still present, everyone would automatically assume she was too.

"Hiiiiicuuuup!" she called out with the others one last time before darting behind a thicket and putting out her lantern. Girl and dragon sat motionless for a moment or two, making extra sure that nobody had witnessed their breakaway from the search party.

Astrid couldn't help but feel slightly guilty about going against Gobber like this, but she quickly pushed it aside, figuring that getting Hiccup out of trouble was more important right now. Besides, she justified, it was likely he would completely forgive her when she came flying back with Hiccup. …Right?

"You ready, Toothless?" she whispered after taking a deep, steadying breath. Toothless replied with a soft huff through his nostrils. Astrid's eyes narrowed in determination as she climbed into the saddle. "Let's do this."

….

 _One hundred ninety-seven…one hundred ninety-eight…one hundred ninety-nine…two hundred…_

This was the third time Hiccup had counted to two hundred inside his head and he was beginning to think he'd rather have a bad case of eel pox than stay like this any longer. Early in the trip Hiccup had made a point of looking everywhere else _except_ at the pirate: the inside of the boat, up at the sky, the insides of his eyelids.

As if determined to make the trip as miserable for him as possible, the man started to sing. Hiccup wasn't sure it could be called "singing", but it was the closest explanation for the unfortunate sound coming out of the man's mouth. Hiccup's eyes were closed while trying to convince himself he was anywhere but stuck in a boat with a pirate when the audible onslaught began. Startled and fearing some awful, wounded, sick sea creature was approaching the boat and about to swallow them whole, he snapped them open again, attempting to push himself as far into his corner of the boat as possible. It wasn't much of a relief to discover that the noise was emanating from his captor.

"I call that one 'Very Lovely and Peaceful Northern Lights'," the pirate said after he noticed Hiccup staring at him. "Composed it meself. Like it?"

Hiccup shook his head.

"No? Well, here, lemme sing ya another one."

Hiccup shook his head harder, then groaned as his ears were assaulted by another "song".

 _Whatever I did to deserve this, Thor, I'm really, really, really, extra sorry and I promise I'll be a better chief never do it again. Just…in the name of Midgard, make it stop!_

It didn't stop.

That was when the counting began. It was the last thing he could do other than squeeze his eyes shut to stay sane. With every note the pirate belted, Hiccup came closer and closer to believing that no one in the history of ever had endured such horrific torture, especially during the one called "Silent Whale Pod Under the Stars".

Just when he thought he would lose his mind, the singing died and was replaced by a hailing shout, which was heaven on the ears compared to what Hiccup had just been subjected to. He couldn't quite see over the side of the boat, but heard a reply from somewhere to his right. They had arrived at the _Screaming Valkyrie_.

Several minutes later, Hiccup found himself being thrown over one of the man's shoulders and hauled up the side of the sizeable ship.

"Evenin', Svarg," a scratchy voice greeted as the pirate climbed onto the deck.

"Evenin', Lugbait."

"Droppin' off another one, I see. What've we got this time?"

He already knew that he wasn't Svarg's first victim and he probably wouldn't be his last, but it was rather alarming to learn that Svarg bringing aboard kidnapped people was as commonplace on this boat as bringing in fish. He turned abruptly and Hiccup assumed they were headed below deck, which didn't surprise him. That was, of course, where prisoners usually ended up getting stashed.

"He's a chief," Svarg said as if Hiccup weren't even there. "Some tribe over on that rock Boulderella's been eyein' for a while."

For a while? Well, that was disturbing.

"Ah," Lugbait responded. "Looks a bit young and skinny to be a chief, but eh, that's just my opinion."

"Aye, exactly what I thought. Not enough brains or brawn to fill a bucket, 'cause the kid's slower than a fence post. Not much livelier, neither, judgin' by the measly fight he put up."

"Rngh!" Hiccup protested with a jerk of his legs, genuinely affronted.

"Looks pretty alive to me," Lugbait smirked.

Hiccup squirmed some more, partly to show just how lively he was, but also because Svarg's shoulder was beginning to dig into his stomach.

"Quiet, you!" snarled Svarg. "Ya've given me more than enough trouble for tonight. One more move like that and yer overboard. Got it?"

Hiccup got it. Oh, had he ever got it. Being kidnapped by pirates was one thing, but getting thrown off the side as neatly packaged fish food didn't leave much room for getting out of this all in one piece. It was _not_ the way he intended to leave this world and he would gladly take a sore stomach over drowning any day, so he quieted.

"That's better. See, Lug? Ya just gotta know how to handle'em."

Svarg came to a large square hatch in the floor with a ladder leading to the lower deck. As they started down it, Hiccup felt suddenly dizzy and hoped against hope that he wouldn't be dropped and break his neck. Svarg, however, seemed quite familiar with the task of carrying human loads down skinny ship ladders just like this one. …And that was also very disturbing.

"Do my ears deceive me," a fruity, singsong female voice called, "or is that my ever-faithful Svarg I hear coming?"

Svarg bent and slid Hiccup off his shoulder, depositing him none too gently on the floor against a stack of crates. After shooting him a glare, Hiccup noted with some amazement that the hold was bursting with cargo of every shape and size, all of it presumably stolen.

"Aye, Me Lady of the Seas." Svarg bowed with a flourish. "I'm here to make a delivery."

As soon as she stepped out of the shadows, it was clear she'd figured out how to live the good life as a pirate and had been doing so for a while. The woman was short and rounded at every corner with glittering black eyes, her deeply tanned skin more perfect and smooth than any sea-polished pebble Hiccup had ever seen. Dark, wild curls spilled onto her broad shoulders from under a pink headscarf. Her wardrobe consisted of bit of everything in every color and fabulous golden jewelry and ornaments jingled with her every movement.

So this was Boulderella.

"Svarg, darling, you _are_ marvelous," she cooed as the pirate kissed her hand and stepped aside. She skittered forward, surprisingly light on her tiny little feet, and knelt beside Hiccup. "Ah, this is our chief." She took his cheeks in a hand, long claw-like nails digging into them. "Hmm, a bit young and scrawny, but aren't you just the sweetest little hostage with all those freckles and those big green eyes."

Feeling nauseous, Hiccup tried to jerk his head out of her talons, but she held firm

"Ooh! And some spice! I do love a hostage with spirit. Makes things much more interesting."

He didn't like the sound of that.

Boulderella straightened and turned to face Svarg. "Fine work, as usual."

"Yer too kind, madam. Wouldn't dream of doin' anythin' less, 'specially for you."

Their chummy, almost romantic chemistry suggested a long and prosperous business relationship. They were definitely not new to this gig.

"Now, about your payment," she said, looping her hand through the arm Svarg offered. The pair strolled away as if taking a walk through a sunny meadow. "Here is the gold for services rendered upfront," she handed him a heavy-looking coin bag, "and once we finish digging out those caves, I'll see to it that you get the rest, as always."

Hiccup's heart skipped a beat. They thought Berk was sitting on top of a treasure horde? There had to be some mistake. The village had stood on that island for seven generations and never once had anyone discovered anything of value down there, not even anything remotely shiny. Only stone, dirt, and dragons, including the occasional irritated Whispering Death. That meant that for the most part, Berk was safe. As soon as the pirates realized it wasn't the fantastic treasure trove they'd expected, they would undoubtedly clear out and leave them in peace on top of their "rock".

…But, Hiccup realized with a shock, without any treasure, there would be no bargain, and without a bargain, the bargaining piece would no longer be useful. And where exactly would that leave him?

It was obvious this dastardly ploy had been implemented many times before now and judging by the incredible amount of cargo he had now become a part of, they'd built up quite a racket. It made him wonder who else had had the misfortune of sitting in this very hold in this very position. What other leaders or chiefs had been unable to do anything while their homes were threatened, their people enslaved and their resources drained?

"Oh, these trips are always so exciting. I can't wait!" Boulderella drew her sword in a sudden burst of anticipation, swinging it expertly around a few times, then charged toward Hiccup. "I simply can't!"

He flinched, entirely sure he was about to be dispatched. It certainly looked that way just before he squeezed his eyes shut and braced for the end. Instead, he felt the tip of the sword dig under his chin, lifting his head up.

"Just look at him," Boulderella purred through puckered lips. "Trying so hard to be the brave little chief, but scared out of his wits. I do have that effect on people."

She flicked the sword away, leaving the tiniest nick in Hiccup's skin.

"Don't worry, darling. If your tribe really loves you, they'll bow to our every whim and you'll be back safe with them before you know it. If not…" Her round face split into a wickedly delighted grin accompanied by a giggle. "Don't look so horrified. Most tribes tend to comply to our wishes very quickly."

 _Most tribes don't have dragons._

Sheathing her sword, Boulderella danced giddily back to Svarg.

"Will you stay for dinner? It's going to be divine."

"Nah," grunted Svarg. "Can't eat this late. Gets to me head and gives me the strangest dreams."

That explained the songs.

"Besides, I got another kidnapping scheduled early tomorrow mornin' and you know I can't miss."

Pouting, Boulderella ran one claw gently down the man's torso.

"At least stay for tea, I insist. Oh, we can chat about what we'll do with all the gold!"

Svarg thought for a moment then offered his arm again. "Alright, but not for long, M'dear."

"Fantastic!" she chirped as they started for the ladder. At the bottom rung, she stopped, looking as if something important had just occurred to her and fluttered back to Hiccup. "Silly me, where _are_ my manners? I forgot to offer you a warm welcome aboard from all of us here on the _Screaming Valkyrie_. I do hope you enjoy your stay, love."

….

It was always a little strange to fly someone else's dragon. Riding gear had to be tweaked, movements had to be adjusted, and new channels of communication had to be established. As usual, working the artificial tailfin mechanism took a bit of getting used to for both, but soon enough Astrid and Toothless were streaking high over the sea like some kind of large, silent hawk.

It wasn't long at all before Astrid spotted the pinprick lights of a ship floating in the dark. The closer they flew, the more she could make out that it wasn't one of their own.

"I knew it," she muttered. "Ok, Toothless, time to get our stealth on. I want to scout this place out before we do anything else."

She flattened herself against his back as the Night Fury growled, folding his wings in for a sharp dive.

….

The two villains emerged from the cargo hold, Boulderella twittering nonstop about their newest mission while Svarg listened intently.

"You know, I'm amazed that island hasn't launched some sort of search party yet," she prattled. "Usually we're up to our ears in poorly planned rescue attempts by now."

"No one saw us leave the village. Someone did discover the mess that beanpole made of his house while I was doin' the job, but I don't think she's anythin' to worry about."

The words had barely left his mouth when something whooshed over the sails, making them flutter and billow eerily in the windless evening.

"What was that?"

Boulderella's eyes narrowed and she fingered the hilt of her sword. The flying thing made a tight circle around the boat, close enough to ruffle their hair, then again shot away.

"I don't believe..that's impossible!" she gasped, stumbling backwards. "It looks like a—"

"NIGHT FURY!" a crewmember bellowed. "GET DOWN!"

….

Hiccup slumped against the stack of crates, eyes closed and mind swimming with guilt, worry and gloom. How could he have let this happen to himself and to the village he was charged with protecting? If only he'd taken Astrid's self-defense training more seriously instead of finding any excuse to disappear, he might have taken Svarg out by himself or stalled long enough for Astrid to arrive. He might not be sitting here, wrapped up and stored in the dark, nothing more than an addition to the payload.

He was tired and sore. His head hurt and his mouth was getting terribly dry, making it difficult to swallow. He'd been hoping his captors would cut him loose once he was safely aboard their ship, but here he was, still trussed up, his intentions to find something useful and escape completely dashed. He had long ago given up trying to wiggle out of the ropes or work the gag off and wished more than ever to drift into a doze just for a while to counter the discomfort and despair.

 _One…two…three…four…_

At least counting was something to concentrate on.

 _Five…six…seven…eight…_

This was a lot easier than it had been in the boat with all the "singing".

 _Nine…ten…eleven…twelve—_

A sudden, deafening explosion one deck above rocked the entire ship, bringing Hiccup's eyes wide open. Screams and shouts of surprise filtered down to him through the hatch. One particularly loud yelp caught his full attention:

"NIGHT FURY!"


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

"It's come for our souls!" screamed a sailor.

"Thor save us all!" shouted another.

The black streak of dragon was too fast for anyone to see clearly. Fiery purple explosions, smoke and debris quickly enveloped the _Screaming Valkyrie,_ causing outright chaos among the crew. It swooped over and between the sails, wingtips skimming the tops of their heads as men went scattering left and right, shrieking in terror. Most of them had heard about Night Fury dragons, of course, but none had actually encountered the supposed offspring of lightning and death itself. Even Svarg cowered on the deck, arms thrown over his head.

Like a small typhoon, the cursed creature circled the vessel twice, then disappeared without a trace, as if it had never existed. Utter stillness fell across the ship, prompting a few brave souls to peek between their arms and wonder if it truly was over. Only Boulderella remained standing right in the middle of the deck, sword drawn as she searched in vain for the dragon through the wall of smoke and darkness above.

"Where are you?!" she screeched, bouncing up and down on her tiny feet and brandishing the sword. "Show yourself, dragon!"

There was no answer, as was to be expected from shadowy dragons such as Night Furies, but Boulderella wasn't about to let that stand in her way.

"You revolting, cowardly beast, I know you're there! _I said show_ —"

As if hurled by the gods themselves, a gigantic battleax came whistling downward between the sails, slicing through the smoke to embed itself in the wood mere inches from her toes. Then, from within the thickest part of the haze, came the sound of an animal landing lightly on its feet, and through it, a tall, armored female form materialized, strutting toward her in a confident gate.

….

Astrid stopped by her axe, cocking a hip and folding her arms across her chest, expression calm and cool, but not quite cool enough to douse the flame of anger in her eyes.

"I'm guessing you're Boulderella," she addressed the woman.

The round pirate's face scrunched up in a pout, making her look like an oversized baby about to throw a tantrum.

"Who are you?!" she demanded, stamping a foot. "What are you doing on my ship?! Those sails are very expensive and I _just_ had them cleaned!"

There was a collective, awestruck gasp as Toothless gave a forceful flap of his wings, clearing out the rest of the smoke. Baring his teeth in a fearsome snarl, he prowled to Astrid's side, snapping at anyone he thought had any intention of coming near her. All such thoughts had already been purged from the minds of the crewmen, but it wasn't in the dragon's nature to let anything, even the tiniest blink of an eye, slither quietly past his notice.

Boulderella forced an expression similar to the one Astrid was wearing, only adding a raised eyebrow in order to seem altogether unimpressed.

"Well, Svarg, my dear," she sneered, giving him an amused look over one shoulder, "I spoke too soon. I do believe our search party has arrived. If you can call it that."

Svarg and a few other sailors snickered along with her as she sheathed her sword and twirled a curl, placing the other hand on her ample hip.

"Although I must say, love, your dragon _is_ rather exquisite. Yes, I might just claim him for myself once I get rid of you."

Astrid wrenched the axe from the floor, twirling it around so that it glinted in the lantern light before settling it on her shoulder and examining the nails on one hand.

"I'd take that as a compliment, but he's not my dragon." She let the axe drop, spinning it all the way around until she caught it heads-up again. "I'm here," she went on, stabbing Boulderella with another fiery glance, "because you've just made the biggest mistake of your life."

Boulderella and the other pirates immediately burst out in boisterous laughter at her bold statement.

"And what might that be, if I may I ask?"

Astrid tested a blade with a thumb, then swiftly tipped the axe head down to Boulderella's eyelevel, strolling casually forward. The other woman blanched as she was pushed backwards to bump against the ship's railing.

When Astrid spoke again, her lowered voice contained a dangerous undertone.

"You've stolen something extremely important from me. No one… _ever_ …steals from me and gets away with it."

The axe twitched almost of its own accord, making Boulderella flinch.

"I've…I've stolen a lot of things from a lot of different people," she babbled innocently after a moment of uncertainty. "How could I _possibly_ remember what I took from you, darling?"

"Hm, what a good question," Astrid spat. "Maybe you could start by sifting through your cargo until you find, oh, I don't know, the only living, breathing, _human_ piece of loot you have? It shouldn't be too hard for someone of your average intelligence to figure out, now should it?"

Boulderella feigned a difficult thought process, then made a show of coming to her "conclusion" by holding a claw to the side of her head.

"Ah, yes…yes, I do remember obtaining a parcel like that just this evening. Wonderful piece of work, unruly auburn hair, tall and lanky, lots of freckles and those _adorable_ green eyes. Yes, I know exactly the package you're referring to now, but I'm afraid it's the one you _can't have_."

" _Where…is…he_?" Astrid's eyes flashed as she suddenly advanced a step. Boulderella was already perched precariously on the railing. Now her entire upper half was dangling over the water below.

"Oh, don't you worry that pretty head. He's all wrapped up nice and neat and quiet in my hold where he'll be perfectly safe…for now, anyway."

Astrid withdrew a few inches.

"And speaking of intelligence," the pirate went on with honey-coated words, "I assume that since you're gracing us with your pitiful presence, you've read the ransom note and are here to discuss the terms…" she paused to place a hand on her chins in mock consideration. "Or…maybe you _don't_ know how to read, which would explain why you've completely ignored my instructions and rudely barged in anyway."

Amazingly, Astrid managed to contain the first scathing insult that came to mind, however the muscle working in her jaw indicated it was right on the tip of her tongue, ready to be fired off at a moment's notice.

"Oh, you poor dear," clucked Boulderella, enjoying every taunting second, "you mustn't blame yourself or your barbarically illiterate tribe for not being able to understand the terms, which are that I refuse to give him back until I get exactly what I want. Does that make sense or shall I attempt to put it in even simpler terms?"

"I can always have the Night Fury blow this entire ship apart," Astrid finally returned, setting the axe head-down and leaning on it as Toothless offered a deep, frightening rumble beside her. "I hope you're up for swimming all the way back to the hole you crawled out of. Last time I checked, splinters make terrible rafts."

To her surprise, Boulderella giggled, trinkets jingling as she performed an excited little jig.

"Oh, I just _love_ the feisty ones. So much more fun than when they surrender all at once without a fight! Well, we would love to let you have a go, my sweet, but I'm afraid that witnessing someone as young and naïve as you being put out of her misery so quickly would be _dreadful_ on morale."

"You know," Astrid replied after a moment, turning away from the small woman, "there's really only one thing I can say to that."

"Oh? Please, do tell."

"Bite me."

She whirled around, landing an incredible punch in Boulderella's face. The pudgy pirate shrieked bloody murder, squeezing in every possible curse on her way overboard before hitting the water with an astounding splash.

….

Hiccup's heart raced out of control, making him feel a bit dizzy and breathless. He struggled upright as far as he could, straining to hear what was going on above now that the blasts had stopped. Toothless was here for him, that was for sure, but he couldn't have come alone.

His thoughts were cut short by the sound of something heavy and deadly being swung full-force into the floor of the upper deck. There was only one weapon in the entire Archipelago that could make that particular chopping noise and only one warrior who could handle it.

 _Astrid!_

Several moments later after an unintelligible but tense conversation, a strangely isolated shriek and a muffled splash, things began heating up. Rushed footsteps thundered overhead, weapons clashed and clanged, crewmen shouted. He heard Toothless's claws scraping and the occasional whack of his tail as it made contact with some poor sailor, sending him flailing over the ship's side. He was apparently having no problem taking care of things, but what about Astrid—

"YAAAAAAAARRRGH!"

She was fine. He could hear it from here.

There was a yelp as someone heavy was shoved through the hatch to land with a crash and a groan at the foot of the ladder. A much lighter individual didn't bother taking the ladder the traditional way, by the sound of it, but slid down its rails in hot pursuit. Hiccup couldn't see beyond the stack of crates he was hidden behind, but he didn't have to to know who had arrived.

"This is for trying to knife me while I had my back turned!"

 _THUD_

And there went the butt of the axe right in the middle of the unlucky crewman's gut. Hiccup cringed in mild sympathy for the man, having experienced the same treatment several years before. Astrid and her axe were a formidable pair you never wanted to be on the wrong end of.

"And _nobody_ calls me 'sweetheart'!"

 _THUD_

If he didn't get her attention now this could go on for a while.

"Arrfrrd!" he forced a shout through the gag. Naturally, it failed to carry very far, so he tried again, this time practically screaming. "ARRFRRD!"

She gasped and the next sound he heard was her footsteps as she came skidding around the crates.

"Hiccup!" Dropping her axe with a loud clang, she fell to her knees, hugging him tightly.

"I was so worried! Everyone else thinks you and the kidnapper are still on Berk. I knew you weren't, I just knew it, but nobody believed me."

She sat back, loosening the fabric tied around his mouth.

"Arrfrrd," he repeated for the third time before she pulled it away and reached for the wad inside, "yrf hrf trf grft—blechh!" he spat as it came out, coughing and smacking a few times to get rid of the cotton-mouthed feeling. "Ugh, thanks. That was getting annoying. Anyway, as I was saying, you have to get me out of here. These people are _beyond_ insane! I mean like really-"

"Yeah, I noticed." She held his face in her hands a moment, looking him over quickly before pulling out a knife. "Did they do anything to you?"

"Does torture by singing count?"

"Huh…? Seriously, are you ok?"

She sliced through the bolas still wound around his legs and leaned him forward to begin sawing at the ropes around his torso.

"Huh, I think I'll skip the 'what kind of question is that' part and say 'I'm fine'. Well, fine as in I was just abducted and held hostage by a bunch of psychotic pirates and miraculously survived."

"Ok, but other than that…"

"A little banged up, kind of thirsty, sort of creeped out—uh-h-h-gh!" He shuddered. "Yuck. Maybe a lot creeped out, actually. Yeah, pretty sure I'm gonna have nightmares for a while…possibly the next five months…or the rest of my—ohhh man, you have no idea how great this feels," he breathed in relief as the ropes at last fell away.

Astrid moved on to the ones holding his wrists. "Wow they really didn't want you going anywhere, did they?"

"Ha, that's putting it mildly. So what's the plan? Or do we even have one?"

She tossed the severed cords aside, taking his hands and helping him stand.

"We get off this ship and go home."

"Sounds good…no, wait a second," he trailed off, thinking. "We can't do that. Not yet."

Astrid gave him a confused, slightly alarmed look. "Are you saying you'd rather stay here?"

"Definitely not," he paused, taking her by the shoulders. "What I mean is that these freaks are pirates. They go around looting island after island and for some reason they're convinced there's gold in the caverns under Berk. Probably some sort of fluke or stupid mistake, but if we don't take care of this now, they'll keep coming back. And…I don't know about you, but I'd really rather not be hauled off, tied up and forced to listen to 'Silent Whale Pod Under the Stars' ever again."

"Silent whale…what?"

"Yeah, long story, I'll tell you later. Let's go."

She followed close behind as Hiccup started for the ladder.

"Wait, how're we supposed to stop them from coming back?"

"I think I might have an idea." He bent to snatch the sword out of the unconscious man's hand. "But I'll need a little help getting across the deck."

Spinning her axe, Astrid flashed a roguish smile.

"Anything you say, babe."


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

Astrid took a fistful of the front of his shirt, tugging him into a rushed, but passionate kiss before releasing him and vaulting onto the deck. Hiccup stared after her, watching pirate after pirate get bowled aside or flattened. Her signature acrobatic moves were well known throughout the Archipelago as well as a few other unfortunate places that had been stupid enough to cross her. Up-down, side-to-side, kick, punch, slide, swing. She twisted in midair like a blond whirlwind, dealing out destruction from every angle and never missing.

" _Whoa_ …" he breathed, blinking as his heartrate picked up. He was suddenly a wide-eyed, love-struck teenager again. With a brilliant orange burst of dragon fire for a backdrop, she sauntered toward him, the very picture of confidence and poise and strength and—

"Hiccup!" Astrid's not-so-lovely, battle-strained shout yanked him out of his trance. "C'mon, get out here!"

Within those few seconds he'd spent floating in his memories, she had created a wide, bare swath of deck, leaving him with plenty of space to get across, just as he'd requested. But it was shrinking rapidly. Giving his head a shake to clear it, he jumped out of the hatch and broke into a mad dash, aiming for the cabin door at the far end.

Try as they might, Astrid and Toothless could only do so much to keep the place free of opposing traffic. Like angry bees gaining a second wind, the pirates regrouped and swarmed. Hiccup's brief moment of freedom came to a blunt end as he was tackled from the side by a much larger person. The two hit the ground hard, causing him to drop the sword as every last bit of air was squished out of him. Before he could react in any way, the weighty man had him in a tight headlock and was dragging him upright. Hiccup was already gasping and struggling to regain his breath. All he needed right now was to be stuck under some random guy's sweaty, hairy armpit.

"I got'im!" the pirate shouted, as if he was the lucky winner of the grand prize. "Haha! Lookee, I got'im!"

Not for long.

Hiccup somehow squirmed his way out of the hold in an desperate effort to breathe again…only to turn straight into the tattooed arms of another crewmember.

"Astrid!" Hiccup choked out as his arms were roughly twisted behind his back. "Little help over here?"

"Kinda busy," she grunted back, engaged with a pair of hairy assailants. "Just…just do the maneuver I showed you last week!"

"What—nrrgh!—maneuver?"

"You don't remember?!" she nearly screamed, driving the two back with the handle of the axe. "Are you kidding me? How could you not—GET OFF ME, YOU FILTHY—remember? It's so easy!"

"Says the girl who's been a warrior since she was two," Hiccup grumbled.

The underlying note of annoyance and slight disappointment in her answer jabbed him like an oversized needle.

"Well, if you would've taken my self-defense lessons seriously, maybe —YAAAGH!— this wouldn't be happening right now!"

"She's right, y'know," put in the pirate who was currently holding him.

Hiccup snorted. "Oh, yeah like you'd even… Astrid, you know I've been busy!"

"Ha! Goofing around on Itchy Armpit is such an important part of your chiefly duties."

She executed an impressive backflip, taking somebody out with her feet along the way.

Hiccup wrenched one arm free. "That's not what I do when…ok, maybe a little bit, but I've gotta blow off steam somehow!"

"Practicing self-defense is a _great_ way to blow off steam." She paused to whirl around and punch the pirate who had made the grave mistake of trying to creep up behind her. "But you wouldn't know that because you're _never there_!"

Hiccup tugged his other arm out of his captor's hold, stumbling forward before he could make a complete getaway.

"Hey, that's not fair! I show up…occasion—enough to pick up a few things."

"Tell that to the guy about to put you in a chokehold."

"Wha—ACK!"

"See?" Astrid said, smiling in slight satisfaction as her point was driven home.

"Ok…ok," Hiccup gasped, clawing at the thick arm around his neck, "I…get it…already!"

Casually, she swung the flat of the axe to knock a few pirates into the path of Toothless's tail.

"Good. Now, listen. I'm going to tell you exactly what to do, just like a drill, got it?"

"Uh…"

"Ready?"

"Wait, no—"

"KICK-TWIST-SWEEP-DUCK-ROLL-PUNCH-REPEAT!"

Astrid may have been his significant other, and he may have been the chief, but in the arena, Hiccup was on the same level as any other recruit or trainee. He had quickly learned the hard way that when she told you to jump, you asked how high and didn't quit until you were about to throw up…or actually did. The fierce, almost frightening style of Astrid's training was a contributing factor in his many absences.

At her militaristic command, Hiccup snapped into drill mode right away and made a flaky attempt at the move he didn't really remember.

"Twist-sweep-roll-punch—"

Instead of breaking free and sprinting for the cabin, after a dizzying whirl, Hiccup found himself pinned to the ground under a large boot.

"Kick-twist-sweep-duck-roll-punch-repeat," snorted the man the boot belonged to. "It's not that hard."

"Would you people shut up with the advice already?!" Hiccup snapped.

"Sloppy!" Astrid yelled, throwing someone off her shoulders for Toothless to swat overboard. "Training's over, cadet! This is the real deal! D'you wanna leave this boat alive or not?! Huh?! Do you?!"

Hiccup gulped. "Yes, sir! I-I mean—"

"DO IT AGAIN!"

"Astrid, are you seriously—couldn't you just—"

"CADET!"

"WHAT—I MEAN YES!"

"Are you questioning orders?!"

"Yes! N-no! Uh, maybe? This situation's getting confusing!"

"So pull it together, use the move and get out of it! NOW!"

As if Training-Arena-Astrid wasn't motivation enough, through his back, Hiccup felt the deck rumble as a mass of crewmen suddenly advanced, swords drawn and eyes alight in anticipation of an easy fight. This was it. He was the last one standing between this group of dirty pirates and the home he loved and had vowed to protect. If he didn't free himself now, if he didn't make it into that cabin to find what he knew had to be inside, there would be no hope whatsoever of keeping his island out of danger, let alone himself alive.

In a surge of adrenaline-fed panic, he kicked his aggressor hard in the behind, rushing into his own, slightly more improvised take on the move. The man toppled over in surprise and the crushing pressure of the foot lifted. With a yelp, Hiccup then rolled out of the path of thundering mob and came to rest a few feet from his sword. Thanking the gods, he grabbed it as the group figured out that they'd missed their target and changed course.

Like a scared gopher out of a hole, Hiccup popped up from the ground, swinging the sword in a mad circle above his head. It was a valiant feat…just a little too early. It tangled in the deadly knot of weapons coming in fast as the pirates surrounded him. At the last moment, with no other option, he ducked below the clanking, metallic surface.

Chaotic confusion erupted among the crewmen as their weapons came together with a horrible clash. Hiccup took the advantage of a gap in the sea of legs to slip through and finally make the dash for the door, hopping over sprawled pirates and debris along the way. It was only after he'd grasped the handle that the quarreling horde collectively realized he was no longer there. Again.

"Hey! Where'd that scrawny rat get off to?"

"He was right here!"

"Look! By the door!"

"GET'IM!"

That was the absolute last thing he wanted to hear. Spurred by a frantic desire to _not_ end up in an armpit or under a dirty boot again, Hiccup wasted no time shoving the door open, skidding behind and attempting to slam it. It shuddered and warped as cursing pirates piled up against it, threatening to burst through the widening crack between it and the frame. Spinning around with fading hopes of bracing it, the young chief pushed back with everything he had, miraculously snapping it shut after a final heave.

Then a shout of complete surprise escaped him as a tarnished sword blade came poking through the wood at eye-level. He had just enough time to blink at it in shock before it was followed by another one by his right arm and side.

"You've gotta be kidding!"

In a breathless panic, Hiccup reached over to lock the ridiculous amount of deadbolts on the door while casting a quick glance around the room for something bulky. These, he assumed, were Boulderella's quarters. Only she would be able to stand the astounding amount of pink fluff without feeling the urge to vomit every five minutes. The room was an eyesore, that was for sure, but this was exactly the place Hiccup needed to be.

A third blade appeared in the space between his knees, and a fifth sliced the upper part of his left arm as it punctured the door. Hiccup gritted his teeth as a trickle of blood began seeping into his sleeve from the stinging cut, feeling fortunate it had grazed his arm and not come through his heart. He might not be so lucky the next time around. It was down to "move or die" and he didn't want to stay by the door to find out which it would be. All he could do now was hope the locks would hold long enough to find a way to block the entrance. There was plenty of hefty furniture in the room, but the question was, could he move it fast enough by himself before the pirates broke the door down?

 _One way to find out._

Sucking in a massive breath, Hiccup hurled himself in the direction of a large table. Gathering all his weight behind it, he gave an experimental push. The legs screeched over the floor in protest, but it was moving. Encouraged, he was able to scoot it all the way over in a relatively short amount of time. In the extra room that gave him, two more items of burly furniture joined the table as the door groaned and cracked...then stopped.

Satisfied with his handiwork, Hiccup backed away and turned his attention to the rest of the room. The necessary deductions would have to be hasty.

Aside from the disgusting, poofy pinkness smothering everything (including him), the room was decorated with every sort of talisman and trinket, making it look like some tribal elder had simply exploded in the room and left it all behind. Large, small, long, short, in every color and type they dangled from the ceiling, clung to the walls and the bed…

So, Boulderella was superstitious. And that was putting it in the mildest of terms. The woman was practically swimming in good luck charms and other items meant to ward off evil and bring in the favor of the gods. It was obvious they had been generous so far, but that would shortly change if Hiccup had anything to say about it. Smiling a little, he logged this interesting, potentially useful bit of information away and commenced his search.

He scoured over shelves, under the bed, between cushions, everywhere twice over until his head spun, yet turned up nothing. Grunting in frustration, he ran both hands back and forth through his hair a couple times, trying to figure out what he was missing. There was nothing on the floor or the walls to indicate a hidden compartment. Nothing at all in the way of strongboxes or treasure chests in shadowy magenta corners…

And that, Hiccup understood with a jolt, was because Boulderella would never, ever let something so precious and useful be locked away to gather dust. It had to be somewhere accessible, but secret. Somewhere it could be easily reached for and put away quickly…

Somewhere like under the mattress…?

Feeling confident in his guess, Hiccup dropped beside the overstuffed bed, slipping a hand between the mattress and the frame below. Where on earth could Boulderella have gotten such a monstrosity? Not even Trader Johan, in his many years of travel far and wide, would be able to top it.

Until now, Hiccup had never seen or encountered anything remotely like it as bedding on Berk mostly consisted of hard wooden frames and scratchy wool blankets. Simple, yet perfectly acceptable and within their means, which, he decided, he much preferred.

Up to his shoulder under sickly pink fluff, his fingers at last touched leather. With a soft tug, the enormous bed betrayed its owner and produced a small red book.

It was a book of fold-out maps not unlike the one he had created at home. A cartographer himself, Hiccup thumbed through it quickly, pausing here and there to inspect the familiar, orderly lines and labels contained within the flaps. However, as the pages went on, things changed. Finally, he stopped altogether to take a closer look at this curious phenomenon. The lines in the later pages gradually morphed into messy squiggles, the writing becoming nothing short of unreadable chicken scratch.

Whoever had started charting in the book appeared to be slowly going blind or senile…possibly both. Or maybe a completely different, painfully inexperienced individual had taken over somewhere in the middle? Either way, this clearly explained the navigational mix-up that had brought the _Screaming Valkyrie_ to the shores of Berk in the first place—

Hiccup started, dropping the book at the loud thud only a few feet from him. Scooping it up, he stuffed it under his shirt and belt, then grabbed his sword and bolted upright to face the next obstacle…

He froze.

Framed by the window, two dripping forms, one short and round, the other tall and chunky, stared right back at him.


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

"Ugh," Hiccup groaned, "You two again?"

"Did you know," tutted Boulderella, advancing a squelching step, "that it is extremely _rude_ to invade someone's private living space and rummage through their personal belongings?"

"Huh." Hiccup had to raise an eyebrow at that one.

"Svarg, dear, why don't you stay here and keep our guest busy while I attend to a small matter on deck."

The crooked grin on her partner's face and the steely glint in his eye sent chills down the length of Hiccup's spine.

"Would be a pleasure, m'love."

"I won't be long. Save some for me, will you?" Boulderella cooed. "I could do with some light target practice after I take care of that obnoxious girl."

A muscle in Hiccup's jaw twitched, but he said nothing. This predicament was bad enough already without him fanning the flames with a sharp-tongued retort.

"Your horrid girlfriend punched me in the face and knocked me overboard for no reason. I was merely _standing_ there with her axe at my throat, frightened, defenseless…"

"Oh, I'm sure," he muttered.

"It was dreadful!" the plump pirate wailed. "Simply _awful_! My glorious life passed before my eyes! I'm afraid I've never quite learned to swim in all my days at sea and I might have _drowned_ if Svarg hadn't—"

This was too much.

"Hold it," Hiccup cut in, waving a hand and failing to keep back a snort. "You're a _pirate_ and you can't swim?"

"Nobody's perfect, darling," was her smooth response as she climbed onto the windowsill. "But I'm as close as it gets. Now, I hope you weren't too attached to that blond brat. I'm about to teach her an important lesson in manners that she'll likely never forget."

Unable to keep his cool any longer, Hiccup lunged forward. "No! You can't—"

The point of Svarg's hefty blade was suddenly in the middle of his chest, stopping him short with a painful jab. Giggling, Boulderella blew Hiccup a kiss and disappeared through the dark window, crawling up the back side of her ship like an obese spider.

Using his own sword to carefully nudge the larger away, Hiccup backed up to the foreboding hiss of metal against metal as the two weapons brushed.

"Listen, I know we got off to a rough start, but let's not make things too awkward…"

Svarg growled.

"You make a valid point, but could…could we maybe work this out some other way? I'm all for diplomacy. Heh, I mean…sure, there was that whole biting, kicking, yak butter episode back on—"

He cut off as he bumped into his makeshift barricade. Feeling sick, it dawned on him that he'd very stupidly cornered himself in a room with a very annoyed pirate holding a very large sword.

Svarg raised said weapon high into the air until it scraped the ceiling and Hiccup barely had time to block the blow that followed. The clashing force of the swords reverberated painfully through his hands and up his arms, nearly causing him to drop it. Fumbling to keep his grip, he dove to the left as another strike chopped straight through the edge of the thick wooden table.

That could have been his head.

The gigantic pirate wrenched the sword free and took another mighty swing, this time sideways as if trying to cut down a tree. Dropping flat on the floor, Hiccup cringed as the blade whooshed over, almost certain a few of the hairs on top of his head had just become significantly shorter. While Svarg was busy yanking his weapon from the wall he'd buried it in, the young man jumped up to give his already-precarious barricade a good heave.

Furniture tumbled, knocking Svarg over with it. Hiccup scrabbled out of the way in time to avoid being crushed, then rushed for the window. If Boulderella could scuttle up the back end of the _Screaming Valkyrie_ , he certainly could too. He perched on the sill and the crash behind him signaled the all-too-quick return of his pursuer. Livid, Svarg exploded from the pile like lava from a volcano.

"What happened to saving some of me for target practice?"

That was probably the worst sentence Hiccup could have spoken at that moment in that situation, but he had and there was no taking it back unfortunately. Svarg barreled toward him, eyes flashing with malice and an unquenchable desire for bloody revenge.

Out of ideas and figuring that he couldn't climb with it anyway, Hiccup threw his sword. It stuck quivering in the wooden floor like an arrow directly in front of his enemy, causing him to stumble and alter course midstride. As expected, this served to infuriate Svarg further, but it gave Hiccup the few seconds he needed to stand on the ledge, gauge the distance and spring for the railing above him. Much to his surprise, his hands closed around it and he scrabbled for a suitable foothold on the sea-roughed side of the ship, laughing out of hysterical relief.

 _Clang!_

Something struck his prosthetic. Hiccup already had a pretty good idea what it was, but looked down anyway. And there was Svarg hanging out the window, sword in hand and appearing to be experiencing the same jolting sensation through his arms that Hiccup had a few moments earlier.

"Ha! Metal leg!" Hiccup taunted, then regretted it. "Uh-oh…"

Svarg lunged, snagging him by the boot and giving him a yank. The young chief let out a yelp as his grip on the slippery railing faltered.

"Get off!" he grunted, shaking his leg as hard as he could. "Get _off_ me you—"

From above, someone grasped both of his arms firmly in their hands.

"Hiccup!"

His head snapped up to blue eyes and blond hair.

"Astrid?! What about Bould—"

"Haven't seen her since I punched her in the face," Astrid said through clenched teeth. "Hang on, I'm gonna pull you up."

"This is a good plan and I am very much in favor of this plan, but we have a problem."

Astrid craned her head to the side, catching sight of Svarg, who was still tugging on Hiccup's leg. Her face twisted into a scowl and she immediately began to pull. Noticing the newcomer and a fresh, unexpected wave of resistance, Svarg increased his efforts on the other end.

"OWWW!" Hiccup screamed. "AAGH! I think you guys just dislocated EVERYTHING!"

That was it. He'd had about all he could take of this insanity. Stretched past the snapping point, both literally and figuratively, he decided he was done being chased around and picked up and tackled. This concrete feeling of absolute exasperation awoke in him some hidden well of spirit… _and an idea_.

With a jerk of his leg, his foot loosened inside the boot. Unaware that he was actually helping the irritating boy-chief get away, Svarg tugged harder. Gathering every last shred of determination he had, Hiccup gave a final thrash and his limb popped free, leaving the pirate with nothing more than a boot and a baffled expression.

Reaching down to get a better hold, Astrid began hauling him up. However, just as his chest came over the railing, she was ruthlessly jerked backwards, her strong grip broken. Slipping, Hiccup almost went plunging into the icy waters below. At the last second, he caught the railing under his arms and dangled there listening to her shriek.

"ASTRID!"

Clutching the end of her braid in a pudgy fist was none other than a cackling Boulderella. The woman was quick on her freakishly tiny, dancing feet and she dragged the kicking, cursing Astrid halfway across the deck before Hiccup could heft himself up again and flop onto the deck. As he righted, Boulderella dropped the flailing warrior, then pounced like some infuriated demon kitten. Astrid yelled in pain and anger as she was flattened by the eccentric pirate queen.

Boulderella was no lightweight, of course, but her strange, fluttery little gait could fool anyone. The woman was obviously an expert at throwing her bulk around and using it an any way she wanted to, almost like a kind of superhuman power. Astrid didn't have a chance while stuck underneath this fiend.

Spotting her battleaxe several feet away, Hiccup broke into a run, closing the space between them in two long bounds, and was about to pick it up when something hit him in the back of the head. As he fell, the object bounced in front of him. It was his own boot, which meant Svarg was right behind it.

He had only seconds to act and only one shot to pull this off. Clamoring to his knees, Hiccup reached into his shirt, bringing out the book while scanning the melee for his faithful friend. At a flash of greenish, luminescent eyes, he found him howling in distress underneath a growing pile of crewmen, possibly the same group that had chased him into the cabin earlier.

"TOOTHLESS!" Hiccup bellowed.

The dragon's ears pricked, eyes widening at the sound and sight of his other half. The call caught the attention of Boulderella as well, stopping her mid-swipe when she noticed what Hiccup was holding.

"NO!" she screamed. "NO-NO-NO!"

"FIRE!" Hiccup tossed the book into the air, giving it a slight spin to increase the distance.

The Night Fury shot a hasty purple blast right before one of the crewmen threw his full weight on top his head, snapping his jaws shut. Fireball met tome in a spectacular display of flaming paper, leaving little more than ashes to drift away on the sea breeze. It was the last thing Hiccup saw before Svarg plowed him into the deck.


	7. Chapter 7

Part 7

Svarg peeled the young man from the deck. Coughing and gasping, Hiccup found himself once again in the not-so-tender grip of this massive enemy. He winced, offering no resistance as his arms were twisted behind him and held there. The pirates had won this round.

All action on deck ceased as the three Berkians were brought under their control. Through blurred vision, Hiccup could see an uneasy Toothless at the bottom of the heap of crewmen, motionless and quiet. Boulderella had found Astrid's axe and driven it into the floorboards with the young woman's neck between the two blades. Like a fat predator on a fresh kill, she was still perched atop her red-faced, fuming victim, and pinning her arms down.

"YOU!" spat the pouting woman to Hiccup, sounding on the verge of an epic tantrum. "You've ruined everything! EVERYTHING!"

That was kind of the point, but he wasn't about to say so out loud.

"Oh, stop your struggling!" she snapped at Astrid as she fought in vain to throw her off. "You brought this upon yourself when you and that dragon dropped into the middle of _my private business_ , you know! _This_ is what you get for so boldly believing you had the capacity to outwit—and also wrinkle the fabulous wardrobe—of Boulderella the Backhanded!"

Her loyal crew, Svarg included, raised a raucous cheer, waving their swords in the air.

After catching Astrid's stinging "now what" glance, Hiccup hung his head. These rats surely wouldn't be making their pillaging rounds again for a long time, but it didn't solve the immediate problem of still being stuck aboard the _Screaming Valkyrie_ while their island was in danger. Therein was the gaping hole in the plan. Hiccup had failed to see past this point, assuming that after the book was blasted to bits, he and Astrid would speed back to Berk, round up everyone and their dragons and come winging around for a final, tail-kicking showdown.

"Well, then, we have two more hostages," simpered Boulderella, sickly sweet. "That pathetic island won't think twice about resisting us now that we have the chief, his girlfriend, _and_ his dragon." She paused, allowing the crew to marvel at her cunning. "Gentlemen, kindly toss them into the hold and launch the boats! The island is ours—"

"NO!" Hiccup's shout brought about a lengthy silence as all eyes fell on him. "No! Y-you can't do this!"

Eyes narrowing, Boulderella stood, ignoring Astrid's huff of relief and muttered insults. Looking like an over-fed snake, she crept over and stopped with one hand under his chin, talons digging into his cheeks again as she lifted his head.

"And why, my sorry little excuse for a chief," she whispered, voice disturbingly calm, "shouldn't I do this? Hm? Please, I'm dying to know."

Hiccup squirmed in Svarg's tight hold, trying to escape the claws and the glare those suddenly terrifying, beady eyes were giving him.

She retreated a step, placing her hands on her hips.

"Any time you're ready, love. I'm waiting..."

Hiccup's mind raced furiously.

"You…you can't go into those caves."

Unconcerned, she lifted an eyebrow.

 _Think, Hiccup, think!_

"You can't because…" The inside of his brain took on a disgusting shade of pink, just like in the cabin below their feet. Gleaming charms and talismans swayed above the outrageous bed with the roll of the ship…

"Well?"

"You can't go there…because…they're _cursed_." He made sure to inject the last word with a hint of dread-soaked hoarseness. "Cursed by the gods themselves."

A collective shiver coursed through the horde, starting with Boulderella herself. The dangerous glare dissolved into a childish look of barely-concealed fear. He'd struck the right nerve.

"I…I don't believe you," she stuttered, taking another step in the opposite direction.

"It's true, right?" He cast a glance at Astrid. Still trapped under her own axe and doing her best to dislodge it without seriously injuring herself, she returned with a confused frown.

"Uh…yes," she chimed in after a moment, nodding in forced enthusiasm as Boulderella turned to her. "Yes, it's all true. Every word."

 _What are you DOING?_ she mouthed to Hiccup when the pirate faced him again. All he could offer was a slight shrug.

"Listen," he went on, thinking fast, "In exchange for the safety of my people...I'm willing to make a deal."

Buolderella ran a scrutinizing eye over him before answering.

"I'm listening…"

It was risky and stupid and bound to add to the discomfort and pain he'd already experienced, but it was all he had. He was more than ready to give himself up for his home, for Astrid and Toothless.

Closing his eyes, he swallowed, knowing full well he was about to lay out the biggest— and quite possibly the most dangerous—fib that was ever fibbed in the history of fibbing in the Archipelago. If it wasn't believable, they were done for.

"The people of Berk have been the guardians over those caves for hundreds of years. Only we understand the secrets they hold and…and only we know the ways to counter the curses and pass safely through them."

He had her wrapped around his finger now.

"But it requires some time. I'd say about…oh, eight or nine hours, give or take. There are certain spells and…uh…rituals that have to be performed without any errors, otherwise it won't work."

"What _are_ you getting at. Come on, spit it out."

 _Here we go…_

"The deal is that you let them go unharmed." He indicated Astrid and Toothless with a nod. "They'll go back to Berk and make the preparations in my place."

"What?!" Astrid blurted from the ground. "No way!"

A devious, excited smile grew across Boulderella's face. She was taking the bait. Now to cap it off.

"You can keep me here," Hiccup continued. "I'll stay on your ship as your hostage, as collateral, whatever. I won't try to escape, I won't fight you anymore. You have my word as a chief. Tomorrow, I will _personally_ take you to the caves and you can have anything you find inside them. Please, just let them go and give my tribe the rest of the night to work the spells."

Boulderella considered the offer for about five seconds, then burst into a fit of giddy laughter, clapping her hands and jingling as she jumped up and down.

"Oh, I love it! It's absolutely brilliant! What do you think, boys?"

Another cheer went up and she danced over to Astrid, wrenching the axe out of the deck. Astrid was on her feet immediately, snatching her weapon and ready to take Boulderella out right then and there.

"Don't," Hiccup cautioned.

Joined by a recently freed Toothless, she marched toward him.

"Are you _crazy_?"

"No, I'm a chief with an island to look out for. Just part of the job."

Astrid's lips pursed together and she gave a reluctant nod. She couldn't argue with that.

Toothless nudged in, crooning and growling in worry. He understood perfectly that he was going home tonight without his best friend in the saddle. With a snort, he gave Hiccup a sloppy good-luck lick to the side of the face.

"Uugh!" Svarg yanked Hiccup away in disgust. "Alright, enough o'that! Take your dragon and get movin', missy. Go on!"

"I'll be ok, bud." It was hard to fake a reassuring tone when he wasn't even sure about any of this himself.

Astrid hesitated, then climbed into the saddle.

"Wait," Hiccup called just as Toothless spread his wings. "When you get home, send out a message. A message...to let everyone know _what the instructions are_."

She nodded and they were off, quickly melting into nothing more than a shadow.

"You two are simply _exquisite_ together," Boulderella remarked, voice dripping with fake adoration as she drew her sword. "Just lovely."

Svarg forced Hiccup to his knees in front of her.

 _Not good_ , he thought, starting to panic. He shivered as she touched the metal briefly to his neck.

"This would have been a refreshing little jaunt…" the sinister curved blade caught the lantern light as it was raised, "IF YOU HADN'T DESTROYED MY MAPS!"

"We had a deal!"

Hiccup ducked his head below outstretched hands. He heard the cutlass slice through the air and flinched. But the deadly blow he was expecting never came, and slowly, he dared look up again.

"Why yes, so we did," the round woman said in mock innocence, lowering the weapon. "My mistake."

Suddenly, the hilt struck Hiccup hard across the face, sending him reeling sideways to the ground. There, he lay still, blood oozing down the side of his face.

" _But you still destroyed my maps_."

Then, in a complete turnaround from her immature fit, she fluttered away, fanning herself.

"All this excitement! I am utterly _famished._ Svarg, my sweet, be a dear and put him back in the hold where he belongs. I'm afraid the sight of blood leaves me a bit queasy while dining."


	8. Chapter 8

Part 8

Evening deepened into night and moonbeams played on the waves as a tiny fleck of green streaked toward the _Screaming Valkyrie_. The Terrible Terror had been dispatched with a message almost as soon Astrid and Toothless touched down on Berk. He knew it was urgent and the little dragon's wings beat double time, propelling him like an arrow to a target.

Once the ship was spotted, he tucked into a downward arc to alight on the bowsprit. Grateful for a chance to rest, the Terror perched there for a minute or two, panting as he surveyed the activity on the boat.

It was bustling with big, smelly, scary men with pointy weapons and too much hair. The dragon scrunched his snout in disgust. The humans he was used to, particularly the small wrinkly one with gray hair, were kind and always gave him fish to eat. These ones were not so nice…and probably wouldn't give him any fish.

Lifting off again, he glided silently around the ship and fluttered down in the shadows on the opposite side. The one he was looking for was here, he was sure. The scent drifted to him from a narrow crack in the wooden floor. After waiting for a pair of large, clunky boots to pass by, the Terror scuttled out of his hiding place and across the deck to disappear into the crack.

It was dark inside the cavernous space beneath. Very dark and a bit frightening as well. Boxes and crates of every size were stacked along the walls, providing plenty of nooks and crannies for hiding things in, including humans. There was definitely one down here. A familiar one that he happened to like very much. Snuffling, the dragon darted from corner to corner, perusing the darkness with his keen eyes and nose.

Then, there he was! ...But something was wrong. He appeared to have been dropped here carelessly, lying motionless on his side between two of the ship's curving ribs.

Sensing injury, the little green dragon rushed to him, climbing along his side until he was hovering above his face. Someone had treated one of his favorite humans very poorly. Who would do such a thing? Sadly, the Terror understood that not all humans were nice to dragons or to each other. This was the work of bad humans.

Chirping and purring, the dragon gently licked and nuzzled his friend's cheek, waiting for a response. The human remained silent, cold and limp, which was rather alarming. Increasing his efforts, he tried again and again until...

….

Hiccup stirred and gave a low, rasping moan. Consciousness was on its way whether he liked it or not and everything hurt, especially his head. He wondered why his bed felt so strange and unfamiliar, what was sitting on him and why it was licking his face so much. Turning as far as he could without making things hurt worse, he pulled open his heavy eyelids.

Then he recognized the musty smell of a storage room, the forms of stacked crates and boxes, the wood he was lying against as the curved wall of a ship. He didn't remember anything past getting smacked across the face with the end of a sword, but now he was back where he'd started, stashed in the cargo hold of a boat-full of dirty pirates. This time, however, he was here by choice.

"Sh…Sharpsh-sh-shot?" he mumbled, shivering. It was cold and damp and his boot was still missing. Ship's holds weren't exactly meant for long-term storage of human beings. He couldn't quite make out the shape of the creature sitting on him through the dark, but he would recognize that chirping purr anywhere.

Sharpshot wiggled excitedly at the mention of his name and moved aside as Hiccup attempted to raise himself. Two painful tries later, he was sitting cross-legged on the floor with the tiny, warm dragon curled in his lap like a cat. The Terrible Terror he had befriended and trained several years ago was a very welcome sight. He was bit of comfort, a bit of home in the middle of a rotten situation.

"Hey, little guy. What're you doing here?"

Sharpshot bounced up, chest puffed with importance, and held out a back leg. Attached to it with twine was a rolled up piece of paper and a charcoal pencil.

Even though it hurt like Thor's hammer, Hiccup smiled. Astrid had clearly recognized his last bit of instruction for what it was before she and Toothless flew away. She'd gotten the message to send out a message to _him_.

"Perfect. Let's find a little more light."

Hiccup rewarded his purring friend with a good belly-rub before pulling himself up. His head whirled, nearly causing him drop back down again, but cleared after a few minutes of clinging to the tall crate next to him.

Using the stacks as guides, he inched through the dark and around a corner, where he noticed a dimly glowing bar on the floor just under the hold's entrance. The hatch's heavy door was nearly closed, leaving a space just wide enough to allow the passage of a Terrible Terror and not for him to climb out. But, he remembered, coming over and kneeling under it, he wasn't going to climb out of it. He'd promised to stay here.

The light filtering in from the deck above was barely enough to write by, but he wasn't about to poke his head out and ask for a candle and maybe a desk and some extra paper. This would have to do.

Sharpshot sat before him, leg extended expectantly. Hiccup leaned in to remove the message, then stopped as he caught sight of a small, dark lump just outside the reach of the luminescent strip. Scooting toward it to investigate, he discovered it was his boot.

"At least they were kind enough to throw it in here with me, huh?" he muttered to the dragon, pulling it on.

Sharpshot chirped in agreement, trying to hold still long enough for the Viking to slide the twine from his leg. Unrolling it and smoothing it against a knee, Hiccup could practically hear Astrid's aggravated squawks coming through the letters before he read the words they spelled.

 _"THE CAVES ARE CURSED"? Are you out of your Odin-loving, mutton-munching MIND?!_

Hiccup rolled his eyes. Of course she would send something like that and not even a simple "I hope you're ok". Typical Astrid.

Sharpshot gave a little twitter and started preening while Hiccup pinned the note to the floor with a hand and began scribbling away.

 _I'm fine, thanks for asking._

 _Trust me. No reason this shouldn't work if you follow my instructions._

As quickly as he could, he described what he'd learned about Boulderella during his brief escapade into her cabin. Then, step by step, he outlined his plans. They were hasty and probably not too sound, but he didn't have a lot of choices to work with…or paper, for that matter.

 _Once instructions relayed, PUT TWINS IN CHARGE, use anything necessary, GO CRAZY._

She wouldn't like that last bit for sure, but in order to pull off some believably cursed caverns, Ruff and Tuff were the ones to consult, hands down. Not only did they know them inside and out, they were also the island's leading experts on mischief and mayhem of any kind, and would no doubt be all over the chance to scare a bunch of pirates right out of their stolen pants. He had complete confidence in their combined ability (not to mention their devotion to Loki) to come up with something so terrifyingly convincing that it might even give _him_ nightmares—

Both Hiccup and Sharpshot started at the thunk of bootsteps directly above their heads. Mashing the paper into a lopsided lump, he snatched the piece of twine and attached it to the dragon's leg as the hatch's weighty door began screeching open.

"Go! Hide!" he whispered, flapping his hands. Sharpshot scurried for the nearest corner while he headed back around the crates and resumed his former position, huddled between the ship's ribs.

"Why do I have to be the one to fetch the prisoners all the time?" He recognized the scratchy muttering voice of the one called Lugbait. Lantern light filled the entrance as the crewman and a companion descended the ladder. "It's always 'Lugbait, go do this' or 'Lugbait go pick up that thing two feet in front of me 'cause I'm too pampered and fat to get it myself'." He heaved a sigh. "Anyway, kid's down here somewhere. Can't never remember where Svarg puts them. I swear it changes every week. Place is such a mess it's a wonder we don't got nobody leftover in some corner from the last raid or two."

Well, that was all sorts of horrifying, Hiccup thought, but aside from that, there seemed to be a couple doubters in the midst of Boulderella's faithful crew. If he played it right, this could come in handy.

"Th-think he's awake y-y-yet?" the second person stuttered as the light drew nearer. "Poor k-k-kid. Looked l-like that hurt, but I g-g-guess it was better than having his head l-lopped off."

Yes, it _was_ much better, Hiccup had to admit, but it had been plenty painful nonetheless. He wondered if he would ever be able to see straight again after this.

"Depends on how hard she hit him," Lugbait continued. "This one's younger than most, but seems particularly spirited. In fact, he was still kickin' up a storm when Svarg brought him aboard all strung up for her like he always does, the creep. Usually they're pretty limp and hopeless by then. And I _never_ seen one guy and his girl make such a stand 'gainst the entire crew before. With a trained dragon, no less."

"I k-k-kinda liked that d-d-dragon. Seemed like he c-c-could be a nice f-fella if you g-g-got to know'im a bit."

"I've had 'bout as much as I can handle of miss 'Boulderella the Backfatted'. I didn't sign on for nothin' like this when I took the job a couple months ago. 'Fishing position', they said. Gives me the willies, all of this."

"M-me too."

They turned the corner and Hiccup gave an involuntary, pained sound and curled in on himself at the sudden excruciating brightness. He'd been counting on remaining still and quiet in hopes of possibly being passed by and left alone, but his throbbing head had disrupted that plan all too soon.

"Aha! There you are," said Lugbait.

"Th-there you are," repeated the companion. From what Hiccup could see through the slits between his eyelids, the unfamiliar man was tall and lanky with scraggly hair and wobbly eyes that each looked everywhere except straight in front of him. He waved, exposing all seven of his teeth. "I'm Nutsy."

"Um…" How else was Hiccup supposed to respond to _that_?

"That's my n-n-name, stupid!"

"Aw, lay off'im," Lugbait cut in. "Sheesh, always on the defensive for some reason. Anyway, kid, hope you weren't too set on spending the entire night down here away from everyone else."

Hiccup actually _had_ been thinking this was where he'd wait out the remainder of his captivity, but apparently things were about to change.

"C'mon, then. Boulderella's requested your presence in her cabin, somethin' like that."

"She has r-r-requested your p-presence in'er c-c-cabin," parroted Nutsy.

"Wait, what?" Hiccup blurted. "But…why? We've already made a deal, what more does she want from me…other than target practice?"

Through aching eyes, he saw Lugbait shrug before hauling him up by an arm and tugging him toward the entrance. Nutsy contributed with some rather unnecessary assistance from behind.

"Probably not much. Just wants to talk to you, I guess. Don't know what about. C'mon, up the ladder with you, let's go."

Hiccup didn't like where this was headed. "And what if I refuse?"

Lugbait sighed in exasperation as the three of them climbed up and onto the deck.

"Look, I like you, kid, I really do. But I don't make the rules, I just work here. Whatever the boss says goes and if the boss ain't happy, nobody's happy, blah-blah-blah, you get the picture. It's the way things are on this stupid ship."

"Uh…" Hiccup said, stealing a quick glance at the hatch. To his relief, no one but he noticed the tiny, flapping Terror make his exit and take off like a shot for home. "Ha-have you two ever looked into maybe, like…I dunno…changing loyalties? Finding another job? Anything like that?"

"Yes," Lugbait grumbled. "Got my face screamed off just for bringin' it up once."

Though this wasn't a complete surprise, Hiccup blinked. "Oh…w-wow. I'm really sorry about that. I mean...nobody should treat a person that way, ship's captain or not."

"Meh, we're used to it now."

"Well, if you ever _do_ feel like giving up piracy and turning over a new leaf, I'm pretty sure we can find room for you on Berk. I hear the boss is a lot more approachable."

Lugbait stopped to consider, raising his eyebrows and nodding.

"Hm. We could always do with a little less screaming, eh, Nutsy?"

"F-for sure," he replied.

"We'll definitely think it over." Lugbait continued dragging Hiccup along by the collar as if he were a disobedient child. "But for now, orders are orders."

"Orders are ord-d-ders," came Nutsy's reluctant echo.


	9. Chapter 9

Part 9

Boulderella's cabin door swung wide open, assaulting everyone's eyes with horrid, blinding pink. Having completed their task, Lugbait and Nutsy whispered a "good luck, mate" and made themselves scarce before anyone could assign them to another menial task.

"Ah, there he is, my precious prisoner!" the portly pirate squealed as Hiccup was shoved inside.

He was thinking through a fitting comeback when he was seized from behind and slammed against the nearest wall.

"OW!" His arms were wrenched behind him and somebody started tying his wrists together. "Seriously? _Seriously?_! Come on, guys, I said I wouldn't run!"

"Not takin' any chances," came Svarg's familiar growl in his ear. When he'd finished Hiccup's wrists, he spun him around and pushed him to the floor to begin work on his legs.

"Oh, you're still here? Perfect. There's no one on this entire boat I would rather have tying me up for the second time in the same evening than—"

With a grunt and a roll of his eyes, Svarg produced another wad of cloth and stuffed it into the Viking's wide open mouth mid-complaint.

"Oh, come now, Svarg," said Boulderella. "That won't be necessary. I have questions and he can't very well answer them with something stuck in his mouth, now can he?"

"No, he can't," put in Hiccup after making a point to spit the cloth out as forcefully as he could.

"Fine, fine." The grumbling giant was obviously disappointed and very much annoyed. "But the kids' squeaky little voice grates me nerves somethin' terrible."

"You could always, you know…leave?" suggested Hiccup dryly.

Svarg shot him an acidic glare before getting to his feet and making for the exit.

"Better shut yer yap or I'll do it for ya next chance I get. Permanently."

"Svarg, my dear," Boulderella soothed in her poisonous way, "do give us a moment alone to chat, will you?"

The burly man scowled one last time as he went through the door. With a ship-shaking slam, he was gone, hopefully for good.

Boulderella sighed and fanned herself daintily with both hands.

"I hate to see him leave. Such a sweet, charming man. Gorgeous singing voice as well, I might add."

Hiccup nearly dry heaved, but Boulderella took no notice, plopping down into a cushioned chair next to her sword-damaged table. It was apparent that she'd just polished off an impressive meal, one so enormous that it could have fed four whole families back on Berk. Her glutton made her the very definition of "disgusting".

On one of many nearly empty platters strewn before her, she dissected what remained of a hunk of meat. When she finally decided on the morsel she fancied, she pinched it between finger and thumb and dangled it high above her gaping mouth. Hiccup could almost hear the doomed tidbit screaming as it was dropped.

"Oh, this _is_ divine," she murmured over the mouthful. "Simply glorious, if I do say so myself. And I _am_ the finest connoisseur to ever rule the seas."

Revolted but unable to look away, Hiccup watched his captor chomp and munch and chew before sending the meaty pulp onward with a gurgling gulp.

"Ahh," she sighed, settling back in contentment, "that was _just_ the thing to top off such a delicious spread. Now, my sweet, tell me the story of this curse. I must say, I am _utterly_ captivated."

This unexpected request had the potential to seriously complicate things.

"Um…well…"

"Don't tell me you don't know the lore of your own island…"

"I…I can't tell you."

"S _hame_. Really, I expected more from a chief who's tribe has been sitting on top of a mysterious treasure for centuries."

Hiccup cleared his throat as an idea came to him, trying to make himself seem as dignified and official as possible in his current state.

"I can't tell you because…under the direct orders of Odin himself, the chiefs of Berk have never been allowed to divulge—"

Something silver and sharp whistled end over end and embedded itself in the wall half an inch above his skull.

"Of course, there's the occasional exception or two!" He cringed underneath the quivering knife. "Yes, um, where was I? Right, right, the curse…"

"Yes. The curse." Boulderella's eyes flashed and he caught the brief glint of a second blade as it played expertly through her pudgy fingers.

He couldn't afford to push her patience any further. There was no choice but to start talking and hope he could spin a believable tale without ending up looking like a pincushion by the end. Swallowing, he sent a hasty inward plea to Odin, asking that for just one moment, he grant him the slick tongue of a practiced liar.

"Hundreds of years ago…" he began, grasping for any kind of story element he could stall with, "there was a…a young woman…"

The audience was entirely unimpressed. He was going to have to up his game if he ever wanted to get home and scare Boulderella away from Berk for good.

"…wh-who was a sorceress."

 _That_ got her attention. The pirate queen straightened a little in her seat, eyes widening slightly.

 _Ohhhh man, here goes nothing. Stay focused, stay calm…_

"Her name was…Sitrad." He would have slapped himself then if his hands weren't tied. _Of all the names he could have come up with_ … It didn't matter now. He moved on. "She was the very first inhabitant of our island, the one who discovered the treasure in the caverns…which was…which was hidden there by the gods."

Boulderella shivered in excitement at the mention of treasure.

"They told her that as long as the caves were kept safe and the treasure never removed, those who lived there would prosper and be happy. If not…"

Hiccup paused, letting her squirm in suspense.

"Go on, go on!"

"For several years, Sitrad lived alone, exploring the wonders of the caves while the gods taught her how to control her power and communicate with the island's dragons. One day, the last bedraggled, starving members of a displaced tribe washed ashore in the ruins of a ship and she took them in. Once they were settled and thriving, she entrusted the villagers with the knowledge of the caves and shared the protective rituals and spells."

This was where things were going to get tricky. It was time to wrap things up in a nice, neat mythological knot.

"In the middle of a moonless night many years later, a marauding band of cutthroats attacked without mercy, decimating much of the village and taking the sorceress prisoner. Claiming the entire island for themselves, they demanded she show them the rumored treasure. When she refused, they…uh…they burned her at the stake. As flames engulfed her, she laughed in the faces of her captors, calling on the gods to—"

"Oh! Oh! This is finally it! Tell me! Tell me what the curse is!"

With a slight roll of his eyes, Hiccup drew a deep, steadying breath.

"The gods answered with the thunder of Thor, declaring that any mortal entering the caverns from then on without taking the proper precautions would be unable to see the wonders they held. Instead, they would be doomed to wander an ugly, dark labyrinth filled with bones and pitfalls and hungry, twisted creatures… _forever._ "

Boulderella paled.

"Some say you can still hear Sitrad laughing on moonless nights near the caves. They say her troubled spirit still walks the island, seeking revenge."

"And…and h-have you heard it?"

Heavy silence dropped over them as he left the chilling question unanswered.

The round woman sat frozen for a moment mulling over all she'd heard, her face a mixture of curiosity and flat out terror. Then, as if trying to convince him that she wasn't afraid of ghosts, she jumped up, looking a bit too cheery.

"My, that was a lovely story!" She swiveled on her tiny feet, dancing to the door to secure all the locks and bolts.

Hiccup tensed. This was not a good omen…

"Wait a second. What's going on?Why am I not being sent back to the hold?"

"No one told you?"

"Told me…what?" he said slowly.

"Oh, that you'll be staying the rest of the night right here in this corner where I can _personally_ keep an eye on you." She performed a segment of her giddy little jig, clapping her hands. "Isn't it delightful?"

" _What_?!"

He would rather be a shivering human parcel huddled in the pitch black cargo hold, he would rather take his chances jumping overboard while bound, he would even rather be paralyzed by a Speed Stinger and then slowly eaten alive than be stuck in this vomit-inducing room with this disturbed, paranoid woman.

"So sorry, precious, but I simply _can't_ take the risk of another escape attempt. Not when we're this close."

"When will you get it through your thick, demented head that I am _not_ going to run!" Hiccup burst out in total exasperation. "I gave you my word!

"Ooh!" she stepped back, affronted, one fluttering hand clutching at her heart. "How dare you speak to a lady in such a boorish manner!"

"Well, if you put me back in the hold and leave me alone, you won't have to listen to it. There you go, problem solved."

"Not so fast. There's always the option of having Svarg shut you up again. I do need my rest and surely I won't get a wink with you sitting here running that conniving mouth of yours all night long."

"Conniving? Tying me up in a corner, interrogating me and throwing knives at my head is what's conniving! And it _wasn't_ part of the deal."

"That, I'm afraid, is where you're wrong, little chief." She waggled a finger like some fat, scolding grandmother. "This is _your_ deal and _you_ are the one who failed to lay down all your terms. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't remember you mentioning _anything_ about your preferences for comfort and accommodations…or the insurance of your own safety for that matter."

Hiccup felt suddenly sick, partly from the constant roll of the boat and the awful shades of pink he was surrounded by, but mostly because he knew she was right. In his efforts to protect Berk, he had foolishly overlooked the fact that he was still tangled in Boulderella's greedy web.

Golden bangles flashed as she casually waved him off. "Don't you worry that adorably tousled head. You'll still be alive by sunrise; I can guarantee that. I want to claim my treasure as quickly as possible, so tossing you to the sharks or running you through would do me no good."

"How generous of you."

The pirate's eyes narrowed as an idea visibly took shape in her mind. A look of fiendish glee spread across her face, sending shivers through her victim like miniature bolts of lightning.

She crouched before him. "Although, if you don't settle down and shut up, I could have you keelhauled purely for the fun of it. The lads _have_ been a tad sullen lately and could use a good show."

Hiccup's blood chilled.

"Or maybe I'll keep you all to myself," she sneered, tapping her chin. "As you witnessed earlier, my knife-throwing _has_ gotten a mite rusty and you're the perfect type of skinny to provide a challenging target while scuttling through the rigging in the dark."

Hiccup lunged forward as far as he could.

"Are you out of your mind?! You can't do that to—"

With a single, piercing claw in the middle of his chest, Boulderella cut him off and force him back into the corner, trapping him in a beady black gaze he couldn't possibly hope to escape.

"Oh yes," she whispered through a wicked grin. "Yes, I most certainly can. Do I need to remind you why?"

Hiccup was fairly positive she didn't, but she reminded him anyway.

"Because I _,_ Boulderella the Backhanded, am the chief aboard this ship... _not_ you. You are nothing more than a pawn in my game and you have no say in what happens to you between now and our journey to those caves." The second knife appeared in her other hand, seemingly out of thin air. "I agreed to return you to your island, and to that I'll hold. However, as I recall, we never quite got around to discussing in _what condition_."

His heart raced and sweat rolled down his face as she drew the tip of the blade delicately across his throat from ear to ear. Then, after a tense, breathless pause, she jammed it into the wall over his head beside the first.

She gave a nasty giggle.

"Next time you go snooping around and destroying some innocent person's _entire livelihood_ , I strongly suggest you take a moment to consider the consequences."

Boulderella's talon lingered on his sternum long enough for her threats to sink all the way in. Then, as fast as she'd attacked, she retreated, slipping instantly into to her less horrifying, slightly more charming alternate personality.

"Sleep well, my adorable hostage."

With a smile and a playful squeeze of his cheeks, she stood and fluttered giddily across the room, dousing candles and lanterns along the way.

"Oh, and do try to keep your mouth closed if you can, darling," came her last chirp from somewhere in the darkness. "You look positively _idiotic_ with it hanging open like that whenever I terrify you."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Left alone in the suffocating bleakness of his situation, Hiccup was forced to confront and swallow a few hard truths. After the evening's whirlwind events, there was nothing he wanted more than to pass out and escape reality, but how on earth was he supposed to do that while bound hand and foot and stashed in a cold, dark corner? Not to mention the horrifying possibility of being keelhauled (or worse) hanging over his head. That alone was enough to keep any sane man awake for the rest of the night if not the rest of his life. And the snoring. Sweet beard of Odin, he'd never heard anything like it. Not even Gobber-with-a-head-cold could have topped the polar-bears-caught-in-a-landslide cacophony coming from the Pirate Queen's ridiculous, fluffy nest.

Defeated and miserable, Hiccup resorted to curling up and pressing himself as far into his uninviting nook as he could, as if by doing so he might get lucky and fall straight through it back into his own home. Of course, no matter how much he wished or pleaded, no such miracle was going to swoop in and save the day. The gods, much like the slumbering Boulderella, appeared to have tossed him aside for the night and fallen asleep.

With a downward roll of the ship, Hiccup caught the familiar silhouette of Berk through the open window. At this time of night under normal circumstances, the village would be dark, the citizens peacefully dreaming while the sea crashed on around them. Tonight, however, the little cluster of wooden houses was a bright constellation against the rocky cliffs, hinting at the bustling activity he knew must be going on…

…to save his skin.

Maybe this wasn't such a comforting sight after all. Somewhere within that glow, Toothless, Astrid and the rest of the gang were assuming responsibility for _his_ carelessness, doing what should have been _his_ job, working tirelessly to lay out the parts of a slapdash plan. A plan which would never have had to be cooked up at the last minute, or at all, had he not been such an idiot in the first place.

Learning to defend himself, he realized with a guilty jolt, wasn't just for his personal benefit. Always ahead of things, Astrid had the foresight to understand that if he were ever caught alone and off guard, he could be used against his own people. He could become a gaping crack in Berk's armor.

But of course he had to be a dimwit and go flying off on his dragon every day instead of recognizing her justified efforts for what they were. By trivializing and avoiding one simple, logical, precautionary step, he'd left himself wide open, all too easy to remove from the equation and silence. He had endangered his friends and his home, leaving them both leaderless.

So here was the "mighty chief", isolated and restrained with nothing to do but wallow pathetically in the trap he'd fallen into.

It was stupid and pointless to struggle, he knew, especially since he'd given his word not to attempt escape again, but he couldn't staunch the steady bombardment of worry, self-loathing and discomfort. He couldn't fight the maddening desire to break free, to reunite with his friends, to be among his people as they faced this problem together. To be their chief, as he should have been from the beginning.

In a sudden bout of frustrated anger, he strained at the tight coils around his wrists, twisting and tugging until the skin was burned raw. Cursing a variety of things—including Svarg's professional knot-tying, his own foolishness, and Boulderella's freakish paranoia—and unable to stand the view of his island any longer, he shut his eyes, letting his head fall sideways into the wall.

 _Yup. You've gotten yourself into a real doozy this time, Haddock._ _A big, stupid, ridiculous mess._

He gritted his teeth at his own reprimand.

 _Hang on for a few more hours. Only a few more and… I just…want…to go…home…_

Sheer exhaustion overwhelmed him then, weighing down his eyelids, weakening his will, and dragging his gloom-filled mind into a deep pit of sleep.

….

Two shadows dripped silently down the back side of the _Screaming Valkyrie_ , trickling through the cabin window like ink. After a moment's hesitation at a disturbance in the snoring to the left, they crept toward the room's only other human occupant.

Despite the physical evidence of the evening's tussle and the abysmal accommodations, the young chieftain had somehow fallen asleep. Either that or Boulderella had decided to give him another taste of the hilt of her sword. Poor kid. That vicious, spoiled brat of a captain really knew how to lay the misery on anyone with the audacity to cross her.

And boy, had he ever.

Still, it had been satisfying to watch those maps go up in purple flames, to watch Boulderella lose face, if only for a moment, as the young man revealed the eerie secret of the island he was trying so desperately to protect. Out of all the unfortunate souls to have been held hostage aboard this ship (and that was a lot), none had made such a stand as he.

However, he'd paid dearly for his courage.

Unlike the other crewmen, the pair of friends had cringed at witnessing the brutal blow across the young man's face, fearing he was dead before he hit the ground. They watched in disgust as Boulderella's hired thug scooped up the limp form and carried him to the hold. Barely thirty seconds later, when Svarg surfaced empty-handed, it was obvious the man couldn't care less about the kid and viewed him as nothing more than a loose piece of cargo to be put back in its place.

Just like the others who had come before.

That was the moment the two unanimously decided that this wasn't going to fly anymore, that the captain's scheme had gone far enough and hurt too many, that it was time to stop standing quietly aside and do something about this.

But what? And how?

In a hushed and hasty discussion after reluctantly delivering the battered hostage into Boulderella's clutches, it was decided that the best place to start would be by putting their heads together with the hostage himself. He seemed clever enough, of course, and his earlier actions suggested a strong, trustworthy and steadily (if not a little awkwardly) maturing character beneath the cuts, bruises and scrawny appearance.

Later, in a shady corner well away from their shipmates (which they were growing to despise more with every passing minute), they waited for the cabin door to open and the chief to be returned to his prison. Then they would make their move.

After an hour, when all sources of light were doused and the ship plunged into darkness, the two had become very anxious. The young man had never reappeared, which could mean many unpleasant things.

Perhaps she'd found some amusing way in which to torture him further? Maybe she'd thrown him overboard? Strung him up on the wall as an addition to her absurd collection of talismans? Used him as target practice? Forced him to organize her overabundance of boots by color and style? The possibilities were endless and none of them pretty.

After a quick conference, the two slapped together a Plan B, which had so far been successful. Just as they'd suspected, they found the boy still in the cabin. Trussed up yet again (Svarg's work, no doubt), he slumped in a corner beneath two shining knives stuck in one wall.

Crouching, one of the shadows extended a hand toward the sleeping captive, resting it firmly on a lean shoulder.

"Hey, kid," a scratchy whisper came from between the monstrous snores and a light shake. "C'mon, now, wake up."

No response.

"W-wow," the other stuttered. "He's really out."

"You would be too if you went through all that."

"T-t-true."

"Snap out of it, kid, we don't got all night."

"You d-don't think he's…"

"Nah, he's still breathin'…I think. Just too worn-out to open his eyes, I wager. Who can blame'im?"

"N-not me," said the second shadow as his counterpart gave the hostage one last, not-so-gentle jerk…

….

Hiccup's eyes snapped wide open. Startled by the two blurry, pirate-shaped masses in front of him and certain he was about to become Boulderella's latest keelhauling Victim of Honor, he reacted in the only way his sleep-muddled brain would allow at that moment.

"GAAAmmf—!"

A calloused hand clapped over his mouth, stifling the shout, and the room went taut and still at a lull in the snoring.

"Hmmspill'is guts…" Boulderella sighed, contentedly wrapped in her demented dreams. Then, with a rustle and a distressed creaking from the bed, the rumbling din was back on track and louder than ever.

Punctuated by the pounding of his heart, Hiccup's thoughts raced furiously. If she was still asleep, it was likely these two rats were going behind their leader's back, striking out on their own to take advantage of an easy and lucrative blackmailing opportunity. And thanks to Boulderella, he was conveniently incapacitated and ready to be spirited away right out from under her snoring nose.

Confused and overcome with panic at the prospect of being kidnapped for the second time that night, Hiccup struggled.

"Easy, kid," one shadow growled.

"Easy, k-k-kid," parroted his partner in crime.

Those voices, particularly the echo with the stutter, were familiar, but brought with them a stinging jab of betrayal. After all he'd been through and wary as they were, Hiccup thought he'd finally landed some allies in the most unlikely of places. Obviously, he'd been too quick to deem them trustworthy. It was just another stupid mistake to add to the growing list.

Writhing and kicking, Hiccup resumed his hopeless efforts to free himself from the ropes while trying to twist out of the strong grip on his face. Quickly, the hand forced his head back and an arm across his chest pinned him against the wall. Not to be left out of the action, the other shadow contributed by sitting on his legs and squashing them flat. That concluded the short-lived scuffle.

"Quit thrashin' about and listen to me," demanded his soon-to-be abductor in an urgent, gravelly whisper.

Out of options, Hiccup fell still and quiet, eyes flicking wildly between the two newcomers.

"No need to get worked up and cause a riot. You'll wake the whole boat the rate you're goin'.

Hiccup wasn't sure if alerting the other crewmen to the presence of traitors would have been helpful or not. Either way, it wasn't happening now.

"It's just Lugbait and Nutsy, got it? You gotta trust us, kid, we're not gonna hurt you."

Oh, sure. Not yet, anyway. If he'd learned anything through this ordeal, it was that dirty pirates would forever be nothing but dirty pirates.

"We're here to help you."

…Or would they?


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"No more shouting, you hear?"

Hiccup nodded his reply, and Lugbait released him.

"Are you _insane_?!" he immediately blurted in a strained whisper.

"Yup," Nutsy answered, moving aside.

"That was rhetorical."

"Oh…"

Once again, the trio froze as the snoring gurgled into an unintelligible mumble.

"Sorry, kid," said Lugbait after it resumed full force a few seconds later, "don't got much time to chat. Gotta move before that whale wakes up and tosses us all to the sharks."

"Wait, what?" Hiccup began to babble nervously. "What's going on? 'Gotta move' where—hey!"

He found himself suddenly hefted off the ground and maneuvered over Nutsy's bony shoulder. And he thought Svarg's was painful.

"Ow! Will you people stop with the picking up and carrying around already? It's getting really—"

"Shhh!" Lugbait ordered as the party made for the window. "Keep it down, will you?"

Hiccup opened his mouth to retort, but quickly closed it again as Nutsy swung around through the window to climb up the back of the ship. It was a long way down to the cold waves below and Hiccup didn't have much control over his balance, which made him breathless and queasy. Once safely over the railing, however, he resumed his protest, squirming and throwing in a few kicks for good measure.

"Put me down! Where are you taking me?"

Nutsy wobbled dangerously as Hiccup lurched. "Stay s-still, or I might d-d-drop you!"

"That's the point!"

"You really gotta settle down and shut up, kid," Lugbait said through gritted teeth as they hurried down to the main deck. "You're makin' things lot more difficult than they have to be."

Hiccup snorted. "Oh, I'm sorry. Am I complicating your little _kidnapping_ scheme?"

"Yeah, actually, you are."

"Ha! So it _is_ a kidnapping!"

"'Course it is. We're pirates. That's what we do."

"Th-that's what we d-d-do."

"But I thought you said—"

"We did."

"—that you're trying to help—"

"We are."

Hiccup gave an exasperated huff. "Ok, then would you mind explaining how waking me up and scaring me half to death before abducting me is helping—"

"Oy!"

The group stopped dead at the unexpected hailing from across deck.

"Wher're you two goin' with the prisoner?"

"I've been wondering the same thing," muttered Hiccup.

"Shut it and let me handle this," Lugbait growled aside to him before whipping around to face the other man. "Caught the gangly rat tryin' to jump ship! Just finished tyin' him back up, in fact. Would you believe the nerve after the deal he struck up with the captain?"

"Hey!" Hiccup grunted as Nutsy slid him off his shoulder and deposited him on the ground. "I wasn't trying to—ouch!"

"See?" Lugbait continued after giving the young Viking a hasty, not-so-gentle nudge in the back with a boot. "Not even one bit sorry, the filthy little liar."

Completely befuddled, Hiccup couldn't do much else than sit there, mouth hanging open like a gasping fish. Naturally, he didn't want to go back to Boulderella's cabin (who would?), but he also couldn't leave this ship, willingly or not, without endangering his island. And if he said anything in his defense, Lugbait would deliver another poke and twist his words to incriminate him further. What were these two up to? Whose side were they really on? And on which was _he_ going to end up?

The other pirate was about to reply, but a horrifying, furious scream coming from the cabin behind them immediately changed his mind.

It was Boulderella.

She was awake.

And she was most definitely _not_ happy.

The ship shuddered beneath her rage, bringing more crewmen above to see what calamity had disturbed the slumber of their adored Queen. There was a tense, somewhat awkward pause as the locks and bolts on the cabin door clicked and scraped…

Then it exploded open with the force of a hurricane. Everyone cringed as it flew all the way around on its hinges to bash against the wall. There, framed in the doorway, bangles and extra chins quivering and red-faced as an overripe tomato, Boulderella took in the scene with her piggy little eyes.

"YOU!" she finally fumed after a painfully visible struggle to remember how to use words. One pudgy, accusing finger rose into the air, coming to a stop when it lined up with the point dead center between Hiccup's eyes.

"Caught him tryin' to make a break for home," Lugbait offered.

"You went back on the deal, you wretched, sniveling cheat! NO ONE GOES BACK ON A DEAL WITH BOULDERELLLA THE BACKHANDED AND LIVES TO TELL ABOUT IT. EVER."

Before anyone could make another move, the pirate drew her cutlass, swinging it high over her head as she rushed screaming toward her quailing victim.

Hiccup had dodged death at the hands of Boulderella several times this evening, but he couldn't possibly escape it this round. A gasp shot through the gathering crowd and he cowered, holding his breath and hoping for a quick demise. Of course, knowing her, he would get no such treatment. Everything had to be a show.

"WAIT!"

The wild scream cut off abruptly and Hiccup opened his eyes to find Lugbait standing between him and the pink juggernaut, arms spread out wide.

"Wait, you can't kill him!"

The Viking's panicked breath caught in his throat. He wasn't certain how much more of this back-and-forth shock and confusion he could take without flipping his lid and throwing _himself_ over the side.

Boulderella lowered the blade, gradually taking on her sickly charming alternate demeanor, but she failed to fully conceal the anger still seething just under the surface.

"And why, may I ask," came the sugary sweet tone, "can't I kill him?"

Lugbait didn't budge an inch as she slunk toward him, placing the point of the sword under his chin in much the same way she had done to Hiccup earlier.

"You're not going soft on me, eh Lug?" She tilted her head, studying him out of the corner of an eye. "Hm, then again, you've always been a little soft around the edges, you and that stuttering freak."

"It's 'Nutsy'!" Nutsy snapped angrily under his breath, shoulders drooping.

"Oh, no, not a bit," Lugbait continued, throwing in a composed chuckle. "I'm as loyal as the next bloke, Your…uh…Your Most High and Mighty Empress of the Seas."

Boulderella giggled, suddenly the very vision of a woman flattered.

"Ooh! I _love_ it! Somebody write it down, I _must_ add it to my list of glorious titles as soon as this little matter is taken care of. Now, where were we?"

"You can't kill him…not like _this_ anyway."

"What?!" yelped Hiccup as Nutsy pulled him upright and held him with an arm around the chest. "Why do I have to keep reminding you that we made a—"

Boulderella removed the blade from Lugbait's chin and waved it in front of Hiccup.

"And may I remind _you_ ," she hissed into his face, "that _you_ are the one who went back on your _own_ deal."

"That's not tr—"

The flat of the cutlass's point came to rest on his lips.

"One more word out of you, my sweet…" she left him hanging a moment, "just one more, and I'll nick that incessantly flapping tongue of yours right out of your mouth."

Horrified and intent on keeping his tongue where it belonged, Hiccup clenched his jaws shut.

Boulderella then stroked her third chin thoughtfully while turning back to Lugbait. "So, just how do you suggest I go about ending our annoyingly adorable little chief's miserable existence? Besides the usual method, I mean."

 _Don't say keelhauling,_ Hiccup pleaded inwardly. _Please, please, please, say anything but keelhauling…_

Lugbait gave an indifferent shrug. "Why not make him do it himself?"

 _…except for that._

"Make him walk the plank."

A low murmur passed through the crewmen as Boulderella squealed with utter excitement. Hiccup, on the other hand, was not so enthusiastic, but the thought of walking the plank _immediately after_ having his tongue "nicked" out kept him quiet.

"Well, we haven't had a nice plank-walking in several weeks, now, have we? What do you say, my fine gentlemen?"

The crewmen raised a rowdy cheer, after which someone struck up a chant.

"Walk-the-plank! Walk-the-plank! Walk-the-plank!" they chorused over and over.

"Free his legs," Boulderella ordered. "And prepare the plank!"

Pulling out a knife, Lugbait easily sliced through the ropes around Hiccup's legs, then straightened.

"You know what to do, Nutsy," he muttered, stepping back.

"Oh, this is going to be _such_ a delight! I _do_ enjoy a good execution every now and then." Boulderella shoved Lugbait aside to stand sneering before Hiccup. "And this one is going to be _particularly_ satisfying."

Wrapping her claws around one arm, she yanked Hiccup out of Nutsy's hold and pushed him in front of her with the end of her sword jabbing into his back.

"Walk-the-plank! Walk-the-plank! Walk-the-plank!"

Hiccup's mind whirled frantically, trying to come up with some last second plan, some clever way to escape this ghastly, humiliating fate…

The sword dug in mercilessly. "Go on, now, love," Boulderella warbled as she forced him up to a gap in the railing, "don't keep us waiting. I have a lot to do before I conquer your tiny island."

Hiccup was drawing a blank. There was absolutely nothing he could do to get out of this. If he tried to change her mind, he risked losing his tongue. If he resisted, she would run him straight through. And that left only the equally unpleasant option of drowning.

He stumbled out onto the long, narrow plank, wobbling dangerously. This really was it, then. This was how Chief Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III would meet his untimely demise, as nothing more than a snack for the sharks.

Heart pounding and sweat pouring down his face, he sent a desperate glance at the pirates, sweeping the assembly for any sign of sympathy or compassion. But he found none. All he saw were jeering, grimy faces and laughing, gap-toothed grins. To his ultimate dismay, he noted that not even Lugbait or Nutsy had stuck around to watch him take the plunge.

"You know," Boulderella said, eyes alight with twisted glee, "out of all the hostages we've hosted aboard the _Screaming Valkyrie_ , you were by _far_ my favorite. Come to think of it, I rather believe I'm going to miss those freckles and big green eyes…and especially that endearing stubborn streak. Which, unfortunately, is what seems to be keeping you. Allow me to offer some encouragement, if I may."

Hiccup's stomach wrenched as she snatched a battleaxe from one of her crewmen and raised it high above her like an executioner at the block. The throng fell silent, wide-eyed with awe and anticipation.

"Oh, not to worry," she tutted at him through a nasty smirk. "Once I've acquired that treasure, I'm _positive_ I'll manage to get over you _very_ quickly.

"NO! NO-NO-NO—"

The axe whistled down and chopped clean through the plank, sending it and Hiccup plummeting into the inky-black depths below.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Quick heads up to remind everyone that this IS the "Power Couple" fic you've been reading, but I've decided to rename it "The Berk Maneuver".**

* * *

Chapter 12

The cold shocked him senseless before survival instinct flooded in. Kicking and flailing, he tried to right himself, only managing to spin around in a few pathetic circles and disorient himself further. Hiccup had never been a bad swimmer, even after getting used to the prosthetic, but without the use of his hands, there wasn't much hope. He'd dropped so suddenly and hit the water so hard that he had no bearing on which way was up or down. On top of it all, it was impossible to see anything, as if he'd fallen straight into the pit of a frigid, starless night.

As he hadn't been able to take much of a breath before the plunge, the young Viking was all too painfully aware that his time was severely limited. He was down to his final moments and sinking fast, farther and farther from life and all that he knew above the surface. Struggling was pointless now.

Out of the numerous ways he could have died tonight, why did it have to be like _this_? For a few fleeting seconds, he found himself almost wishing Boulderella had actually taken off his head instead of hitting him across the face. He even entertained the notion that he wouldn't be in this slow, agonizing fix if Lugbait hadn't jumped between him and the oncoming Pirate Queen to save his own skin after the botched kidnapping.

Lugbait, he thought bitterly. He and Nutsy couldn't have gone far and were probably laughing along with the rest of the crew as the stream of bubbles floating to the surface slowed, soon to cease altogether. How could he have been so stupid, Hiccup thought, to believe that the grizzled sailor and his friend would be any different from everyone else aboard the _Screaming Valkyrie_? The man was just another knot in the snare, another loop in the noose around Hiccup's neck…

He started as something grasped an arm tightly, dragging him down in a swift dive. It was not the puncturing teeth or strangling tentacles of a hungry sea creature, but a hand. Human.

Perfect.

As if it wasn't awful enough for him to flounder just below the surface in view of everyone, some rogue crewmember had gotten it into his sick head that this would be much more entertaining. Hiccup jerked in a pathetic attempt to thwart their plans for a private show, but the stranger didn't seem to care or notice. Even one-handed, his strokes were sure and powerful, his grip never faltering.

It was no use. Forced to resign to this grisly fate, Hiccup went limp, allowing the man to tow him along as his mournful thoughts drifted homeward. One after another, the faces of friends and loved ones, memories of lying in the grass beside Astrid, and soaring through clear skies with Toothless raced through his dimming mind, finally smearing together into utter nonsense…

Suddenly, the steep dive took an arcing upward turn and between bouts of unconsciousness, he was sure the pressure on his ears was decreasing, the water growing slightly warmer.

They…were moving up? _Toward_ the surface?

...It was almost as shocking to exit the water as it had been to fall into it only a moment or two before. As he cleared, a new person caught him under the arms and with the help of the first, hauled him over what felt like the side of a rowboat.

Seawater spewing from his nose and mouth, his lungs worked furiously to rid themselves of its hostile, deadly presence. Eyes still screwed shut, he hacked and gasped as the boat tipped sideways again to take on another soggy form. He felt the grasp of a firm hand on an arm close to the wrist, the back and forth sawing of a knife through ropes…and at last he was free.

Hiccup rolled sideways to finish clearing his system. Then, chest heaving as he pulled in breath after breath of blessed air, he flopped back again, pushing his soaked hair out of his eyes and opening them. The first spinning sight he caught sent him scrambling as far as he could into one far end of the little boat.

"Easy, kid," Lugbait growled.

"Easy, k-k-kid," came Nutsy's expected echo.

"Oh, right," spluttered Hiccup, noticing that he was now on the opposite side of the _Screaming Valkyrie_. "That's what you two always say just before—"

"We're taking you home, mate."

Hiccup's heart skipped a beat. "Wh…what? But I thought you were kidnap—"

"We still are…" The tiniest twitch of a smile quivered at the corner of Lugbait's mouth. "Just in reverse."

This was almost too much for the young man's waterlogged, sleep-deprived mind to grasp.

"B-but how…why…what about the deal?"

Lugbait shared a devious glance with his friend. "Pretty hard keep to up your end of a bargain if you're dead."

"Surprise!" Nutsy chimed in, tossing something scratchy and woolly right into Hiccup's face. "You're d-d-dead!"

Well, that was putting it tactfully.

Hiccup blinked at them a moment, trying to understand what he'd just heard while gratefully wrapping himself in the musty blanket.

"Ok, ok, let me get this straight. You guys had me _executed_ so you could sneak me off the ship?"

"Yup," Lugbait replied with a shrug as if this was an everyday occurrence.

Hiccup had to admit, it was a pretty impressive scheme. "So…the whole walking-the-plank thing? It was all your idea?"

Lugbait shifted uncomfortably, clearing his throat. "Erm…that actually wasn't part of the plan. Had to think on our feet for that one."

"What?!" Hiccup blurted in horror before he could contain himself. "I nearly _drowned_!"

"Speakin' technically, you sorta did that to yourself," the older man pointed out flatly, lifting an eyebrow. "If you'd a shut your face when I told you to…"

Knowing the man was perfectly right, Hiccup pressed his lips together, unable to counter.

"Look," Lugbait went on, "sorry about the rough treatment back there. Had to make it convincin' or all three of us would be sleepin' at the bottom of the sea by now."

There was a lengthy pause as Hiccup thoroughly pondered everything to the sound of oars cutting through waves in rapid strokes.

"I…I guess wasn't doing too great on my own, so…" He gave a wry laugh, then swallowed. "Thank you. Both of you."

"Nah, we're the ones who should be thankin' you."

Unsure of what to make of this, Hiccup knit his eyebrows together beneath his dripping bangs.

"What I mean is, we've been fixin' to jump that blasted ship for a while now, but never had the opportunity or nowhere to go…before you came along, that is."

Hiccup couldn't help smiling in response. "I'll take that as a 'yes' to my offer, then."

"Fair enough. Least till we figure out what's next."

"F-f-fair enough," Nutsy repeated excitedly, flashing his seven-toothed grin.

"But won't the crew notice you've gone missing?" the young chief asked after a moment's consideration.

"Nope." Hidden within Lugbait's answer was the closest thing to a small chuckle Hiccup had heard in the few hours they'd been acquainted. "Nobody ever noticed us in the first place…'less the scullery needed scrubbin' down or the Prescious Queen of the High Sleaze needed'er nose hairs trimmed just right. When I really think about it, that's what made it easy enough to get this far."

"What do you mean?"

"Like I said, we've been waitin' on a chance to clear off the _Screaming Valkyrie_. In the meantime, we secretly did everythin' we could to cause trouble for that witch. Y'know, sneak in to meddle with her maps and such…"

"That was m-me!" Nutsy put in, eyes wobbling in opposite directions.

"Wait, are you saying—" started Hiccup.

"Yup," replied Lugbait.

"Huh, that explains a few things…except, what happened to the other cartographer?" He almost didn't want to know.

Lugbait merely slid a finger across his throat.

"Oh."

"Listen," the older man continued, suddenly grave, "while we're talkin' maps, it wouldn't be right to keep it from you, considerin' all that's been said and done. The _Screaming Valkyrie_ sailed into your waters…mostly 'cause of us, I'm afraid."

A pause fell between the three, briefly allowing the slap and gurgle of seawater against the boat to replace spoken conversation.

"I…I'm not sure I follow you," said Hiccup finally, eyes narrowing.

"Messin' with the maps took us quite a ways from our regular route…"

"So you ended up here."

"Right…not on purpose, mind you, and we never meant you nor your island no harm. We was…we was just tryin' to nudge Boulderella off course, tryin' to put an end to her scheme in any way we could."

"I understand," reassured Hiccup quickly. "We may have something in common beneath this, actually."

"How d'you mean?"

"I guess it's my turn for a confession." Hiccup took a breath. "There's no treasure under Berk. None, zero, nada. And there's no curse either. I made that up on the spot to scare Boulderella into leaving us alone, which obviously didn't work, but my point is…you cheated to save lives, I cheated to save lives. We're on even ground."

Lugbait nodded in comprehension and agreement. "Honestly, though, we didn't know you lot existed till a week or two ago when Boulderella decided to start sendin' out feelers like she does."

Not for the first time that evening and probably not for the last, Hiccup's stomach tightened into a guilty knot. There were many things he needed to learn about being a leader and taking care of a community. Increasing surveillance and taking proper precautions, it seemed, were among the top on that list. He'd seriously messed things up this time around, but hopefully, if all went well with his plan, there would be a chance to turn it around and make it right, to learn from it. A lump grew in his throat as his father's voice came booming through his mind.

 _The Chief protects his own._

"Ran into some other ships on the way here," Lugbait said, bringing him back to the present. "Musta been the ones who started the gold rumors, though I can't reckon why."

Hiccup could and he wasn't terribly surprised by the news since Berk had dealt with various hostile tribes over the years. In fact, he was certain he could eventually pinpoint exactly which it was that had so graciously tipped the pirates off and sent them on their way. He could see the leaders of those tribes now, sitting back with a snack and snickering in amusement while watching the events unfold.

"Do we have a p-p-plan?"

Nutsy's abrupt query was posed to Lugbait, however it was Hiccup that answered.

"Yeah. Yeah, we do, and it's called 'Turn the Caves into Boulderella's Worst Nightmare'."

The two former pirates exchanged a quick glance of approval.

Nutsy beamed. "N-no idea what you m-m-mean by that…but I l-l-like this plan."

"So you're in?"

Lugbait was silent a moment, mulling things over and nodding to himself.

"Aye," he said finally, that reluctant flicker of a smile returning to his face as he clapped Hiccup on the shoulder, "whatever you say, Chief."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Shortly after touching down on Berk, Astrid narrowly avoided (more like ignored) a talking-to from Gobber, skirted a concerned Gothi and headed for her home. Ego smarting from the humiliating, botched rescue attempt, she wasted no time in snatching the nearest piece of parchment and scribbling out a hasty, irritated sentence.

It wasn't until said message was well on its way via Terror Mail that she realized that what she'd written might have been a little too snappy given Hiccup's current situation. Sure, he'd more or less gotten himself into it, but in the moment of striking up the deal with that sea-witch, he'd only been trying to protect Berk in any way he could. Trying to fix things and clean up the mess he'd inadvertently created. Still, though…cursed caves? That was stretching it a bit, although it wasn't as if he'd had many other choices right then and she certainly hadn't contributed anything useful.

Sometime later, the little dragon returned with Hiccup's reply, the same piece of parchment now a crumpled mass, suggesting a near miss on the other end. She shuddered at the thought of what might have happened had message been intercepted. Even though that horrible Boulderella woman had accepted the deal, there was no guarantee for Hiccup's complete safety—a small but incredibly vital detail Astrid suddenly remembered he'd overlooked and had been worrying about ever since the Terror's departure. Deep down, she couldn't suppress the nasty feeling that as long as Hiccup was still breathing and able to point her in the direction of the caves, the Pirate Queen could care less in what shape he was returned to Berk.

That was why, as the twins happily (almost too eagerly, in fact) took over and Hiccup's plan began rolling out, Astrid slipped away for the second time that evening. Though the night watch had been doubled and was on high alert, she took it upon herself to add one more pair of eyes for Hiccup's sake. This was personal, and if there was so much as a twinge in any of her senses, deal or no deal, she was getting him off that ship and blowing it to bits. There would be no exchange of insulting pleasantries, no ridiculous onboard brawl, no getting caught unawares and flattened under that behemoth of a ship's captain. Astrid wasn't about to make the same mistakes again and Boulderella would learn the hard way just how dearly one must pay for infuriating a Hofferson.

For a little under two hours, she remained in her carefully chosen hiding place near the docks, steely eyes wide and barely blinking. Even when joined in her stubborn stakeout by an equally uneasy Toothless, she never flinched, never once relinquished her guard…until the slightest unnatural movement at the crest of a sea swell brought them both to their feet. As they watched, the movement became an object and the object took on the shape of a rowboat…a foreign rowboat that was being swiftly piloted into _their_ harbor.

Toothless tensed while Astrid's grip tightened around the axe handle, knuckles whitening…

There were three of them. Three mangy scoundrels (undoubtedly spies dispatched by Her Corpulent Majesty) with the gumption to sail in to Berk underneath its defenses right after the chief had been kidnapped. Unfortunately for them, they had no idea what awaited them on dry land, blissfully unaware of the pummeling they were about to receive.

Blood rushed to Astrid's face as her heart pumped furiously in anticipation of action. The Night Fury emitted a low, unfriendly growl from deep within his belly…

The small vessel slowed and bumped against a dock, prompting one of the trespassers to hop out and secure it while the others disembarked.

Like a pair of wildcats targeting prey, woman and dragon crouched at the ready, teeth bared, axe raised…

The men spoke in hushed, secretive tones as one assumed leadership of the group and strode up the walkway as if he'd landed here dozens, maybe hundreds of times before and knew exactly where he was going. The nerve.

 _Yeah, well you won't get far,_ was Astrid's final thought before she and Toothless exploded screaming and snarling into the open. The two separated and the young woman let out a frightening battle-cry, driving the first interloper she encountered backwards into a sturdy post, hurling her axe and trapping him there with his skinny neck between the blades.

"Wait, stop!" someone cried behind her, then made the foolish mistake of grabbing her by an arm. "You can't—"

Blinded by the darkness, a fierce rush of Berkian loyalty and the determination to not make an idiot of herself twice in one night, Astrid twisted, easily breaking the hold. Caught off-guard by the split-second maneuver, the pirate stumbled, leaving himself vulnerable and in the perfect position for a skirmish-ending throwdown. Seizing his arms, the young woman flipped him all the way over her back and dropped him to the dirt. Before he could so much as blink, he was pinned beneath her with a knee in the chest.

"Ha! Or can I?!"

"Grrck!" choked her victim, struggling and clawing at her hands as she wrapped them around his throat.

"I know what you're up to, you pirate pig! Thought you could slip in undetected, didn't you?! Thought you could come spying in the night, see what else you could find for that disgusting excuse of a human being to claim?!"

He shook his head wildly. "Hicclrghk—"

"Whatever you're trying to say, save it for Odin, because you and your scumbag friends just landed on the wrong—"

"Gghhaastrid! It's…it's Hiccgghk…Hiccghkup!"

It took a few seconds longer than it should have to register through the wall of adrenaline-fed rage that she'd made a serious error. As soon as realization struck, Astrid gave a horrified gasp, releasing him immediately and scrambling aside.

"What in the—holy thunder of—how in the name of Helhiem— _Hiccup?!"_

….

He'd been expecting some surprise at his reappearance on Berk, maybe a painful smack on the back from Gobber and a reprimanding look from Gothi. But nothing could have prepared him for this justified and defensive, but wholly misguided ambush by his own girlfriend as soon as he set foot ashore.

"Hiccup, I…what're you…I'm so—" Astrid spluttered, pulling him upright. "I didn't mean…are you ok? Please tell me you're ok!"

"No worries," he coughed, rubbing his neck. "People've been trying to off me all night, what's one more attempt?"

"Don't say that! I-I couldn't see and I was so angry…I thought you were a pirate!"

"Yeah…yeah, you made that pretty clear."

"I am so, so sorry!" she repeated. "I almost…I was just trying to—"

"Protect Berk, I know." Oddly enough, though he'd barely escaped a throttling at the hands of the woman he loved, Hiccup couldn't help smiling. "It's your job and you do it well, M'lady. … _Really_ well. Heh, maybe a little too—agh!" He cringed at her quick poke in the ribs.

"Not funny!"

"Right, right, sorry…but next time you strangle somebody in the dark in the spirit of patriotism, please, please, _please_ take a second to make sure he's actually a pirate and not your boyfriend…the chief…whatever."

Features a mix of sheepish guilt and overbearing concern, Astrid tugged him into her arms for a tight embrace—

"Get this—rgh!—lump off a me!" Lugbait growled.

So much for the moment.

Apparently, once he realized the situation was no longer threatening, Toothless had taken an immediate liking to the man and flopped down on top of him, crooning happily.

"Toothless," Hiccup groaned as he an Astrid grudgingly separated. "C'mon, bud, these guys aren't used to dragons."

"Are they always like this, these two?" Lugbait huffed as the dragon's bulk lifted and he climbed to his feet to dust off uneasily in the Night Fury's adoring gaze.

"Uh, yeah," Hiccup replied. "Yeah, they are."

The older man flashed an unexpected smile as he quickly headed for the whimpering Nutsy.

"I'd definitely keep'em around, then, especially the girl."

"My _name_ is Astrid," Astrid muttered, helping Hiccup stand. "Who're you?"

Taking a good hold of the handle of the axe, the grizzled man yanked it out of the post, freeing his petrified friend.

"Name's Lugbait and this here's Nutsy." After a reassuring pat on the tall, scraggly man's shoulder, he turned back to them and held out the axe, offering it to its rightful owner. "Pleasure to finally meet the warrior who almost took out an entire ship's crew by herself."

At that, Toothless contributed an offended rumble.

"Ah…with some help, that is," Lugbait tacked on.

Satisfied, the dragon puffed out his chest, glowing with importance and pride.

Astrid, however, was less flattered. With a piercing look, she advanced a step, seizing her weapon and giving it a twirl before swinging it over a shoulder in an obvious display of intimidating authority. At the swift action, the quivering Nutsy yelped and cowered, trying his best to disappear behind his shorter counterpart.

"Easy, Astrid," Hiccup stepped in before his significant other could consider going another round and finishing the job. "We can trust them. They're friends."

Astrid snorted. "Friends? They look like pirates to me."

"That's because they are…I mean were."

She arched an eyebrow.

"Allow me to explain, Your Ladyship, Mightiest Guardian of Berk," Lugbait said, dipping his head in a respectful bow after pushing Toothless's nuzzling snout away. "Seein' as we've just completed our final act of piracy by reverse-kidnapping your young man and jumpin' ship for good, we prefer the term 'ex-pirates'. Or 'former pirates', whichever's best to your liking."

To Hiccup's relief, Astrid thawed markedly at the complimentary title and the gesture, lowering the axe to the ground to lean on it.

She sighed heavily. "Fine, fine, I guess if Toothless's ok with you two…I'll let you live. But remember, I'm watching—"

"Okayyy, thank you, Astrid," Hiccup cut in hastily. "That's very, um…generous. Yes, well, on that inviting, yet slightly disturbing note," the young chief gestured to the rugged landscape before them, "welcome to the Island of Berk."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Sitting on a bench in his own house had never felt so wonderful, Hiccup thought. This was the place he'd pined for during those long hours stuck aboard that stupid ship. This was the place he feared he might never see again each time Boulderella came rushing at him with a sword. Yes, it was good to finally be home…although he wasn't thrilled with the shirtless-patching-up-in-front-of-everyone-while-holding-an-emergency-meeting thing. As if he hadn't gone through enough discomfort and humiliation for one night.

At his side, Astrid cleaned the cut in his upper left arm, while on the other, Gothi tended to the bruised gash on his face. He winced involuntarily, gritting his teeth as trusted comrades began trickling in. Soon the room was filled with expressions ranging from worry, to relief, to poorly masked eagerness for details.

"Whoa," said Ruffnut, stepping over the threshold. "When you redecorate, you _really_ redecorate, Hiccup."

"I wasn't redecorating, Ruff, I was being kidnapped. Big difference."

She shrugged. "Eh, whatever you wanna call it."

"Okayyyy, then…" he replied after a baffled glance.

"Hiccup!" came Gobber's relieved call from the doorway. Shoving the younger Vikings aside, the blacksmith clomped up to greet him. "Glad t'have our chief back safe and sound."

"So am I," he muttered. "Listen, guys, I…I'm so sorry about this whole mess." He paused to swallow, mildly taken aback at the silence he'd earned with one simple sentence. It was as if he'd crossed some boundary. There was no turning back, no choice but to lay it out for them, fair and square.

"I got us into this by becoming too complacent, too dependent on the idea that everyone else would be right there to bail me out no matter what. I never stopped to think about how avoiding one logical, necessary responsibility could affect Berk as a whole. I…I didn't take my job seriously and now you're all paying for it."

There. He'd said it. And somehow he felt the tiniest bit more hopeful about things.

"Ok, apology accepted," said Snotlout, "but would you mind maybe explaining why you disappeared?"

"Yeah," said Ruffnut. "We skipped dinner to scour the whole island for you. It was all cold and gross when we got back."

Tuffnut sniffed pitifully and clutched at his stomach. "I'm still hungry."

Hiccup's heart sank. He was tired and sore and in no mood for sharing his humiliating experience…but they deserved to know. He owed them that.

"So," he began after pulling in a steadying breath, "I was abducted and held for ransom aboard a pirate ship—"

"Already knew that," yawned Snotlout. "Borrrriiiiing."

Hiccup uttered a frustrated grunt before going on. "A ship with an insane captain who's convinced there's gold under Berk and really only happened to end up here in the first place as a result of sabotage efforts—"

"That was m-m-me!" Nutsy piped up from a corner across the room (the furthest from Astrid he could find).

"Right, I'll get to that. Anyway, during Astrid's rescue attempt—"

"Which she totally _forgot_ to include us in, thank you very much," Snotlout again interrupted obnoxiously. "If you ask me, it's no wonder you two failed so hard. Ha, if me and Hookfang'd been there—"

"Buuuut you and Hookfang weren't," Astrid cut in with a scowl. "Deal with it."

Hiccup went on. "Astrid created a diversion so I could sneak into Boulderella's cabin and steal her maps. After Toothless destroyed them and the crew finally overpowered us, I tricked her into believing that the caves are cursed and made the deal to stay on the ship and give you a chance to carry out the plan."

"Ooh!" Ruffnut jumped up and down, one hand raised.

Sighing, Hiccup rolled his eyes. "Yes, Ruffnut?"

"I loved that story you sent! Especially the part about Sitrad the sorceress."

"That's…kind of the whole story."

Tuffnut rubbed his chin. "Wait, why do I feel like I should recognize that name?"

"Because it's a mixed up version of _my_ name, genius," Astrid huffed, then then turned on Hiccup. "While we're at it, what was up with that?"

"Hey, it's hard to come up with names for fictional characters in fake legends while tied up in a corner with a lunatic throwing knives at your head, ok?"

Her eyebrows jumped skyward. "You got yourself tied up _again_? Seriously?"

"That's pretty much what I said," Hiccup replied, slightly annoyed by the amused undertone in her voice, "but that was _after_ Boulderella threw a fit over the maps and knocked me out with a sword hilt to the face. That's where this came from."

As he indicated the lump on the side of his face, Astrid stopped bandaging his arm for a moment, face hardening and eyes flickering with anger.

" _She_ did that?" she hissed, sounding deadly.

"Who else? I'm just happy she didn't go with her first idea, which was to chop my head off."

Fishlegs's eyes grew round. "She was going to chop your head off?"

"She's a loon, that Boulderella," Lugbait put in. "One minute all prim and proper, the next…" He sliced a hand through the air, adding a cringe-inducing squelching noise for emphasis.

"How did you escape?"

"I didn't." Hiccup shrugged. "I gave my word that I wouldn't try to run…so I was executed."

Eyebrows knit together collectively as confused whispers rippled through the audience.

Gobber stuck a finger in an ear, twisting it a few times. "Yeh what now?"

"I was executed. And that's where these two come in." Hiccup motioned toward the newcomers.

"It was Lugbait's p-p-plan," Nutsy cheerfully chimed in. "I helped."

Lugbait let his face fall into a hand. " _Timing_ , Nutsy. _Timing_."

"W-w-what?"

"Never mind, we'll tackle that later. What he means is that's how we fixed to smuggle'im off the ship. Giving Boulderella the idea to make'im walk the plank, I mean. Wasn't part of the original rescue plan, but we made it work, thank Asgard."

"You got to walk the plank?" gasped the twins. "No way!"

Hiccup knew exactly where this was going. "Whooooa, whoa, whoa, before you even go there, no, it was _not_ as fun you—"

Ruffnut hopped with excitement. "Like, you got dunked in the water and everything?"

"That's…kind of the purpose of walking the—"

"What did you do?" Tuffnut barged in. "Was it cold? Did your life flash before your eyes?"

"Did you seriously just—for the love of Thor, I almost _drowned_!"

"Really?" asked Snotlout. "I never knew you couldn't swim."

"His hands were probably bound," Fishlegs concluded before Hiccup could even say anything. "Everybody knows that's how you make somebody walk the plank!"

"Oh." The stout Viking considered this for a second. "But were they tied in front or back? 'Cause if it was in front, you coulda just—"

"Ugh, c'mon, tell us how you survived already!" Ruffnut moaned, shoving Snotlout aside. "The suspense! I can't stand the suspense!"

"Then shut up and let him finish!" snapped Astrid, bringing a hush to the room once more.

"Sorry," muttered several guilty parties, shuffling as they looked down at their feet.

"Thank you, M'lady," Hiccup nodded. "As I was saying, the whole execution thing is where Lugbait and Nutsy come in. They've been sabotaging the _Screaming Valkyrie_ , doing anything they could to inhibit Boulderella's looting racket, which, of course, included messing with her maps. Then, when I came along, they took the opportunity to permanently abandon ship and…well, saved my life by faking my death."

The blacksmith pounded Lugbait on the back. "Lucky yeh found'im when yeh did, eh? Sounds like he was in a bit too far over his head."

"That he was," Lugbait coughed, inching away in hopes of avoiding another hearty smack.

"Just as I though'," chuckled Gobber. "Trust me, lookin' after the lad's no easy task. Never has been."

"Um, yes, thank you, Gobber," Hiccup interjected before things could get any more embarrassing. "As always, you've managed to sum things up in just the perfect way to make me feel so much better about myself."

Gobber beamed.

"So what do we do now?" Snotlout asked abruptly. "You're back, but the pirates are still gonna raid us, right?"

"Right, and we don't have much time left to get ready. I have a feeling Boulderella won't wait until morning like she agreed to in the deal. Now that I'm technically out of the picture, any and all agreements are off."

"Not a problem," said Ruffnut, nudging her brother and grinning.

"Uh…big problem, actually."

"No, not a problem," she repeated, "because of _your_ plan."

"Which, by the way," said Tuffnut, "is come along marvelously, if I do say so myself. Almost finished, in fact."

It seemed like ages since Hiccup had had a reason to smile, and the one now turning up the corners of his mouth surprised him slightly, given the situation. However, he couldn't hold it back.

"Really? You mean you actually…"

Tuffnut waved him off. "Pfft! Of course we actually! What did you expect?"

"I don't know…it was a pretty pathetic plan."

"Are you kidding?" Ruffnut said, aghast. "We'd never forgive ourselves if Berk fell into the hands of pirates because we failed in our solemn duty to create mass chaos in the form of the most terrifyingly—"

"—heartstoppingly—"

"—mind blowingly—"

"—pee-your-pants-ingly—"

"—scream-your-face-off-ingly—"

"—haunted caves in the Archipelago…possibly the entire known world."

"Everybody pitched in," Fishlegs added. "The whole island. And…eheh…Meatlug and I can personally vouch for the scariness."

"Perfect!" Hiccup nearly laughed with relief. "This…this is fantastic!"

"Yup." The twins folded their arms, leaning into each other smugly.

"We were just putting on the finishing touches when you decided to show up…" Tuffnut started

"…and when you mentioned your own execution, it got us thinking about that one last detail we need to top it all off." Ruffnut finished.

Hiccup narrowed his eyes, not certain whether he should be eager or worried. "What exactly do you have in mind?"

"So, you 'drowned', right?" Tuffnut made little finger quotation marks above his head. "The whole crew saw it happen…"

"I thought we went over this. Yes, Boulderella and the crew think I'm…dead…" Hiccup trailed off, eyes widening in sudden realization. "Wait a second…they think I'm _dead_!"

"Nailed it."

"Ok, I see where you're going with this," said Astrid, "but what if it doesn't work?"

"Not an option," Hiccup replied, pulling on his shirt. "Let's go."

"C'mon, move it, people!" Ruffnut barked, herding Vikings toward the door. "I need some extra-long seaweed and white paint."

"And make it snappy!" Tuffnut joined in. "Those pirates ain't gonna scare themselves!"


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Smacking her lips, Boulderella savored the last of the pre-raid snack she had demanded immediately after the execution. The five cooked salmon, two loaves of butter-smothered bread, dozen deviled eggs, whole side of pork and five goblets of rich wine had all been sweet, but would be sweeter still once she reached that stupid, scrawny boy's island. She had already rehearsed several times how she was going to deliver the news and inform the pathetic population that they were now under her rule, no questions asked. Oh, how they would cower! And if anyone so much as raised a finger against her, that irritating blonde brat was first in line to be made into an example.

Boulderella's maps were now gone, her livelihood temporarily stalled, but perhaps this devastating setback was actually a blessing in disguise? With their naïve leader at the bottom of the sea, Burp, or whatever it was called, was wide open, ripe for the taking and she rather fancied the idea of having her own island. What was to keep her from dropping anchor, rolling up the sails and staying a while?

Well, there _was_ one tiny thing…

The chief's ghost story had terrified her, almost causing her to rethink her master plan. Secret doubts wormed their way into the back of her mind, taking root and sending out tendrils of fear and worry, but she was in no way going to reveal those doubts to her crew. She was their captain, their queen. She _would_ have that treasure and she _would_ take that spit of land or die trying, the latter of which, she believed, could be easily avoided with the right selection of charms and talismans…also a pinch of garlic…a few choice runestones…

Inwardly, she began to wish she'd never asked about the island's dark history, that she'd allowed Svarg to stifle the unceasing racket coming from the little runt's cantankerous mouth for the night and left it at that. No curses, no spirits, no noise whatsoever…

… _No_ _matter_! She was Boulderella the Backhanded, Captain of the _Screaming Valkyrie_ , Queen of the High Seas, and she would not be intimidated by a silly story! The boy had obviously been desperate, literally cornered with hands tied and nowhere to run. For all she knew, he could have been lying through his miserable teeth the entire time to save his skin and get under hers.

Of course, that must be it.

Barely able to contain herself through a fresh wave of anticipation at the fabulous wealth now easily within her reach, she giggled, chins quivering. With a whole island at her bidding, she might even double, no, _triple_ it in time. She could raise a fleet and attack unsuspecting neighboring islands, gaining riches and power along the way. And she could do it while reigning supreme from the back of a trained Night Fury, no less. Yes, she would have that dragon. In fact, she would have anything she wanted; food, servants, entertainment, a good keelhauling every day…

Grinning with that in mind, she stood. The smallest knot of excitement (or was it dread?) twisted in her chest as she placed the napkin on her empty plate, making her sausage hands flutter over her heart.

This was it. There was nothing else standing in her path.

 _Except maybe that one tiny…trivial…hardly-worth-a-second-thought matter…_

….

The moon was gone, sunk below the horizon like many a former hostage below the sea. Inky black waves lapped against boats, making throats tighten and guts clench at the thought of joining those already swallowed by the abyss. Not even the stars dared show their faces in this, the darkest hour of night.

"Faster!" Boulderella snapped like a whip at the backs of the poor crewmen laboring at the oars. " _Faster!_ "

She knew it was somewhat useless to goad them at this point. The docks were in plain view, however, shouting orders gave her a sense of confidence and security as the mist-shrouded island bore down on them.

Only a scattering of lights flickered feebly in the tiny village nestled against a sheer cliff. Perfect. No one expected a landing party until sunrise which would give her entrance more of a sting. A sleepy, unprepared populace was always much easier to frighten and sway than a well-rested one.

Clutching the intricately carved shark-bone pendant hanging from her neck, Boulderella called on the gods, demanding that they see her through her mission with exactly the outcome she wanted. Little did she know that they—make that one god in particular—had much trickier and more entertaining schemes to oversee that night. Someone else had beat her to the petitioning punch, and that petition was _not_ , unlike hers, a hasty, halfhearted afterthought.

Before her boat came fully alongside a dock, she leaped ashore, skittering up the wooden planks like a corpulent butterfly. Her crew trailed behind, starting to look a bit less enthusiastic about things now that they'd actually landed on the cursed island.

"Ah," she breathed, twirling gleefully, "I simply _adore_ the smell of fresh gold in the mor…ning..."

She drifted off, mood souring at the sound of a muffled snicker coming from a thicket to her left. Putting on an expression of severe distaste, Boulderella stormed to the bush, sinking an arm shoulder-deep into its center. There was a yelp, then a yank.

The teenaged Viking she'd snagged in her claws was thin, his dark hair covered by a helmet sporting horns curled like a ram's.

"What, if I many ask, is so funny?" the pirate asked, her voice dangerously low.

"N-n-nothing!" gulped the boy. "I was just…it was…d-dusty in there and I…sneezed?"

The boy flinched at the hiss of her cutlass being drawn, struggling to tear away from the grip on the front of his shirt.

Boulderella jabbed the point into the soft spot just under his ribcage. "Stop wriggling."

Face colorless, the teen raised his arms and fell still.

"What's your name, you pathetic string of seaweed?"

"G-g-gustave...?" he smiled nervously. "Heh, w-what's yours?"

"I'm about to take over your island and you don't even know who I am?"

"Wait, hold on, I think I remember," said Gustave slowly, eyebrows scrunching, " _you're_ the one they said was coming to take over our island?"

"Yes."

"The pirate lady?"

"Yes!"

"You don't look like a pirate."

"Would you like me to prove it by running you through?"

"Uh, no, nope, I'm good." Gustave paused, seeming distracted by something much more important. "So…if you're the pirate lady taking over Berk, aren't you also the one that kidnapped the chief in the first place?"

"For the love of Odin's beard, yes!"

"Ohhhh, that makes sense. Anyway, I think you guys might be kind of early."

"Yes. Yes, indeed we are. It's called an 'ambush'."

"Am...bush? I'm terrible at this game. What's that mean again?"

"It's when one person or group takes another person or group by surprise and—why am I telling you this?! Stop stalling!"

"Staaaalllllinnng?" he stretched the word out as far is it would go. "Is that what you think I'm doing?"

" _Are_ you?"

" _Am_ I?"

"Enough!" Boulderella barked. "I'm finished with your childish games."

"Aw, but we were just getting started!"

"Ugh," she grunted to no one in particular, dropping Gustave to the ground before rubbing her temples. "Please tell me you're only the village idiot and that your whole island isn't this abysmally stupid. Things do tend to get rather tedious when I'm the one with any intelligence."

"Hey! I'm not the village idiot! In fact, we don't even _have_ a village idiot because we aren't—" The sword's tip came to rest above Gustave's jugular. "Shutting up."

"Good." Boulderella strolled a half-circle around him, never removing the blade from his skin. "Now, listen carefully, G-g-gustave…"

"Um, it's just 'Gustave', actually. The whole stuttering thing was—yow! Ok, ok, I promise I'm shutting up for real this time, just quit poking that thing into my neck! It's pointy!"

"It's a sword, you simple dolt! It's supposed to be pointy! Would you rather I poked it somewhere else to demonstrate that point? Somewhere, say, a tad lower and a bit to the left?"

Horrified, Gustave shook his head.

"Well, then, Gustave-Minus-the-Idiotic-Stuttering, let me offer you some sound advice: close your mouth and open your ears if you want to live long enough to pass that name on to your children, hm?"

The teen nodded.

"Right then, my pet," she ignored the disgusted gagging noise the pipsqueak emitted, "allow me to properly introduce myself. _I_ am Boulderella the Backhanded, Pirate Supreme, Connoisseur of Fine Meats and Cheeses—WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR MISERABLE FACE THIS INSTANT OR I'LL DO IT FOR YOU!"

Gustave's expression went completely blank.

"That's better. As I was getting to before that rude little display, I have an important task for you. Run up to your village, knock on every door and tell them…" she paused, a malicious grin lighting her face, "tell them their chief has arrived earlier than expected."

"Aha! See? I knew you were early!"

"Oh, for the-"

"But I'm pretty sure you're not the chief."

"I am now."

Gustave narrowed his eyes in overwhelming skepticism. "Are you sure?"

"Oh, absolutely. There can be no mistake."

"Ok, now your just confusing me. Wasn't there some kind of agreement where..." the boy trailed off, eyes widening. "Wait...waaaaait a second here. If you're the new ch…Thor's thunder, what did you do with Hiccup?!"

"'Hiccup'?" Boulderella snorted in amused disbelief while a few crewmen chortled behind her. "Dear me, how utterly _humiliating_ for your tribe. You're making me wish I'd actually bothered asking his name when we first met, even just for a light giggle. Then again, he wasn't exactly in a good position for making acquaintances. Ah, 'Hiccup'. So fitting, yet so unflattering"

"Better than 'Boulderella'…" the youth mumbled, barely audible.

"What was that, love?"

"Nothing."

"Then get moving!"

Gustave scrambled to his feet and trotted a few steps before turning. "Wait, was I supposed to deliver the message first or knock on—" He jumped back just in time to avoid being skewered by the cutlass as it stuck wobbling in the ground. "Ok! All right! I'm going!"


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Unsurprisingly, Boulderella was the first to clear the top of the pathway, cutlass still drawn and barely a drop of sweat on her brow to show for it. Anxious villagers were beginning to swarm around the youngster she'd apprehended at the docks and as she approached, the whispers grew into intelligible murmurs. The exact murmurs she'd been waiting to hear.

"What's going on?"

"Where's Hiccup?"

"The pirates? Here already?"

"What should we do?"

" _Where is Hiccup?!_ "

She couldn't have asked for a more perfect cue. With a dainty, twittering giggle, she danced into a splash of torch light, twirling into a victorious pose. All faces turned toward her, some wide-eyed and pale, others flushed with irritation, and a few, for some reason she couldn't fathom, wrinkled their noses in obvious disgust.

Undaunted, for the time being, she relished the juicy flavor of her next sentence before unleashing it upon the unsuspecting populace.

"I'm afraid your chief has hiccupped his last."

The reaction was sharp, like that foreign cheese she'd sampled yesterday morning before all of this began. First, a truly shocking gasp followed by a pungent half second's silence. Next came a delicious burst of emotions, mostly anger sprinkled with confusion, and topped off with just a pinch of horror.

"No!" And there she was. The blonde girl. She bowled through the group, scattering Vikings on either side until she was front and center. "No, he made a _deal_ with you!"

"That he did. And?"

"An honest, fair deal—"

"Ah, yes, but an honest, fair deal which the sniveling little runt promptly went back on. A couple of my men caught him trying to jump ship."

"Liar! Hiccup would never—"

Clucking, Boulderella raised a chiding finger. "Ah, but he did and cheaters are not tolerated aboard my ship. Although, I find myself wishing that things had gone a bit differently, that I'd spared him long enough to let him watch me take _everything_ away from him before never seeing the light of day again."

"What…did you _do_ to him?" the young woman demanded. The hiss in her words sent an unexpected chill down the spines of all present, pirate and Viking alike. "I've already asked you this once tonight, and I'm only going to ask you once more. Where _…is…_ he?"

The fat captain, along with her arriving crewmen, couldn't help but recoil as the girl advanced a threatening step, jaw set and eyes blazing. The last time Boulderella had encountered this familiar face had been fleeting, a mere glimpse of pure fury just before encountering the powerful fist behind it. The blow and the unplanned dunking which followed had been a humiliating outrage, one that would _never_ be repeated. They were playing by her rules now, and _she_ was going to be the one doing the humiliating from this time forward. After all, keeping an entire island _and_ a ship under her thumb was not going to be easy and a personal attendant—no, make that "slave"…or better yet, "footstool"—would be just the thing to lighten her burdens.

But business before pleasure, of course.

"Oh, don't you worry," Boulderella oozed after regaining her usual composure, "he's resting quite comfortably…"

The girl's head tilted, glaring eyes narrowing.

"…at the bottom of the sea."

 _"What?!"_

She allowed a second for disbelief to start taking hold, then clasped her hands beside her head.

"Oh, it was splendid! I have several favorite methods of execution—every pirate does—but I decided your precious Hiccup deserved the best farewell I can offer."

"You're sick!" shouted a smug, stocky young man near the front. "Sick and twisted, and I mean that in the most offensive way possible. I really do."

Bristling, Boulderella flashed him a look of death, vowing to have him exiled (or worse) after her quest was complete, then melted back into her poisonously sweet persona.

"As I was saying…well, I _am_ in a bit of a rush, so I'll spare you the details and sum it up for you. I'm afraid he walked himself right off the plank."

"Yeah, I bet he did…with your knife in his back!"

"You could say that, yes." Batting her lashes, Boulderella touched one sausage-link finger to a cheek. "Oh, all right. I suppose I can't give him _all_ the credit since he _did_ require quite a bit of encouragement there at the end. I was only too happy to oblige—"

"You…you _murdered_ him!" the blonde lunged toward her with teeth bared. "You murdered him, you worm-eating gut-sack!"

Admittedly, Boulderella hadn't planned for outright attack during her grand entrance and retreated several feet as the blonde yanked the axe from her back. Then, the young woman flew into a rage, seeming to lose her mind entirely.

"I'm gonna take you down right where you stand!"

"Temper, temper, love! We don't want to get too—" Boulderella froze as the axe whooshed into the air above her, sparkling blood-red in the torchlight.

"I'll cut off those stupid, perfect curls and hang them above my bed to look at every morning and every night and remember how _easy_ it was to pound your puffy, pink face _into the dirt_! I'm gonna make you wish you were never—"

Luckily, several strong arms caught the warrior, wrenching the weapon from her hands and keeping her at bay, but only barely. Screaming and cursing, she struggled, then collapsed sobbing to the ground before being hauled off to the village by a couple well-meaning villagers.

" _Well_ , then," Boulderella sniffed, flustered by the display, "that's certainly not the way to address your new chief, now, is it?"

"Riiiigh'," put in a gruff fellow who was short a couple limbs, "why don't yeh come back when yaks lay eggs and the sky turns green? Maybe then I'll consider callin' ya 'chief', if not somethin' else a lot less flattering!"

"Haha!" Another young woman, this time tall and thin with a pair of shifty eyes set in a long face, snickered. "I think Astrid already covered that. Anybody else wanna take a whack—"

"ENOUGH!" Boulderella's roar shook the dust from the wooden dwellings around them while her violent stomping fit jarred everything else. "Your chief is dead! _Dead_! Do you hear me? I am your leader now! You _will_ call me 'Chief' and you _will_ give me exactly what I want or so help me, this island, this village… _all of Burp_ will be obliterated!"

"Um," a ruddy, round and fur-covered Viking in the front interjected quietly, "it's 'Berk', actually—"

"Do you think I care?! Whatever you simple-minded barbarians want to call this place, I overthrew it fair and square and it's mine! _Mine, mine, mine_! And so are all of you!"

Vikings, pirates and everything in between could do nothing but gawk in the ringing silence. Then, clearing her throat daintily, Boulderella took a moment to smooth her rumpled skirts and fuss with an escaped black lock.

"Have I made myself clear?"

"Y-yes, m-ma'am," mumbled the stocky one, now white with terror. "Clear as day."

"Ah, good, good. I knew we'd come to terms eventually." She became suddenly business-like. "However, since you have agreed to submit to my rule…"

"Ha! I don't remember agreein' to anything."

Boulderella scowled at the gruff man. "Do I need to go over this again or shall I eliminate you now and let everyone else who actually happened to be listening get on with it?"

The man closed his mouth, but returned the scowl tenfold.

"Yes, so moving on, I am willing to offer a small compensation for your losses. If you, at any time during my glorious reign—which you should plan to be subject to for a very long time—find it difficult to refer to me by the title 'Chief', I have prepared a few options."

"Aw, yeah!" The tall, skinny girl pumped a fist. "I _love_ options! Especially the generous ones. So, do we all get cool names, or what? 'Cause if we do, I wanna be—"

"Urgh." Boulderella grumbled, rubbing her temples and fighting a strong urge to throttle the halfwit. "No, you do _not_ get to have a 'cool' name and nobody gets any kind of special title or treatment except for me! Heavens, I thought everybody knew that's what happens when your homeland is conquered. Anyway, 'Queen' or 'My Liege' are acceptable alternatives to 'Chief'. And if you continue to cooperate, I'll even go so far as to allow 'Most High and Mighty Ruler of the Seas'. Any questions?"

"Ooh! Ooh!"

 _Oh, here she goes again, the maddening, hopping little numbskull. Idiots. I'm surrounded by idiots._

"Yes?"

"What about 'Bulbous Rat-Eating Toad'? Are we allowed to call you that?"

That did it. That and the scattering of terribly concealed snorts throughout the Viking crowd.

"Out," she fumed, fingers choking the hilt of her sword. "I want this imbecile out my sight this very instant!"

A few of her crewmen jumped at her command, seizing the annoyance by the arms.

"Hey, wait, what did I do? You asked if anybody had questions. Where are we going?

The muttering pirate ground a few knuckles into her forehead in utter frustration.

"You _do_ have dungeon or at least some kind of large pit on this rock to throw people into, don't you?"

"Psh," the girl waved her off. "We're Vikings, not animals. We have a top-of-the-line jailhouse and trust me, it's wayyyy more sophisticated than some dumb old dungeon or pit. C'mon, guys, I'll show you where it is. The name's 'Ruffnut', by the way, but you can call me 'Ruff'."

The two bewildered crewmen threw a nervous glance back at their leader, then released their happily whistling captive to follow at a distance.

These people were crazy, insane, so much more difficult to get a handle on and control than she'd thought they would be. How on earth had that useless, lanky boy-chief managed them all without driving himself mad? Maybe staying here long-term after the gold was claimed wasn't such a good idea?

And speaking of gold…

"Now that that little…eh…matter is taken care of, shall we take a refreshing stroll under the stars?"


	17. Chapter 17

"Pass," said the stocky one.

Boulderella wasn't used to such disregard, especially from those she was in the process of marauding.

"Excuse me?"

"I said we'll pass! What, you got sea-slugs stuck in your ears or something?"

Seething, Boulderella stomped toward him and seized him by the neck. "Let me rephrase that. TAKE ME TO THE GOLD RIGHT NOW OR I WILL BURN THIS ENTIRE VILLAGE TO ASHES THIS VERY INSTANT!" She tossed the young man to the ground and was beyond pleased to see every hint of that exasperating, smug expression leave his face.

"Go on, then," Boulderella prodded with the help of her blade. "I don't have all night and neither do you if you keep me waiting much longer."

Stocky sent an uncertain glance at Missing-Too-Many-Limbs and the man merely shook his head, graying features pursed into a defeated scowl.

"Best do as she says, laddie," he mumbled. "Nothin' we can do now."

"Yes, best do as I say." _Gold, gold, gold!_ The Pirate Queen couldn't stifle an eager giggle as she jabbed her sword a little too vigorously into the thick fur cape draped over Stocky's broad shoulders. "Lead on."

"Ow!" he protested, stumbling a bit as he got to his feet. "Watch it, will ya?"

"Oh, I will, love. I'll watch every move you make, don't you worry."

After a long, disgusted glance, the young man sighed and turned for the dense woods behind the village and the crewmen and several Vikings trickled along behind them rather reluctantly. She kept the point of her sword trained on Stocky's back, urging him forward as if he was her next plank-walking victim…and maybe he could be...two executions within a day of each other! Oh, how exquisite that would be! It would have to wait, of course, but as soon as the treasure was in her hands, she mused, she could celebrate in any way she pleased.

For well over fifteen minutes, these horribly enjoyable thoughts kept her spirits high and her feet moving. Then excitement waned to plodding, which then dragged into a lethargic trudge. Twenty minutes…thirty minutes…forty…

 _The treasure. Must focus on the treasure…_

Then again, if she'd known it would have taken this long to get to said treasure, she _might_ have managed to contain herself until the light of day as she'd originally promised. The tedious trek had already taken them over boulders, through swamps and brambles, below jagged outcroppings, around ten flocks of shaggy sheep…or was it twelve? She'd lost count somewhere back near the village.

 _Honestly, how much mutton do these barbarians need?_

The sword had been sheathed quite some time ago when she realized the effort of poking it into her guide's back was becoming more of a hassle than it was worth when combined with her arduous efforts to stay upright. Before long, she called a halt. Moaning loudly about her poor, aching feet and the difficulty of their journey, she demanded that she be carried from here on out or she wouldn't go another inch and force them all to make camp right there.

A couple of her men broke quickly from the group to come to the aid of their ailing queen, but she refused, saying that she didn't want just anyone to carry her this time. No, it had to be a pair of particularly special individuals.

And so, after a brief pause, the party traipsed on, now with a much happier Boulderella perched atop the sweating shoulders of Limbless and the round furry one. Every so often, like a rider on an unsatisfactory steed, she gave them a swift spur with a boot as a friendly reminder of who was in charge and that she was enjoying every delicious second of their humiliation. She was about to remind them again when the two stopped a little too abruptly.

"What? Why are you stopping?!" Boulderella wriggled and shifted violently, copious backside causing her human pack animals a great deal of discomfort below. "I don't remember ordering you to…"

The woman's voice died and she froze, unable to do anything except stare, mesmerized by the sight before them. There were no torches on this side of the island, no crackling fires to ward off the shadows and warm their quaking spirits. All was shrouded in mist and blackest black of night, but the yawning maw in the sheer cliff wall was darker still.

"It's like Helheim itself," one crewmember murmured.

 _Helheim itself…_

The pirate grasped for the pendant dangling under one of her chins, palms slippery as she fiddled with it in doubt. For a moment, visions of tight, bone-filled passages and twisted, fiery beasts whirled through Boulderella's imagination, sending a terrible shiver down her back and into her boots…

No. _No!_ After the trouble she'd gone to she wouldn't relent to such foolishness now.

 _Gold…treasure…it's all right here._

Sparkling heaps of gems, piles of shining coins, chests spilling over with golden goblets and silver jewelry flooded her mind until she could think of nothing else, barging through the fear and obliterating it completely. The pendant dropped and she jumped to the ground with a heavy thud.

"It's _mine_ ," she whispered to no one in particular. "All here, all mine…"

From somewhere beyond, a twig snapped loudly, making everyone jump. The dry brush beside the mouth of the cave rustled and shuddered, announcing the arrival of some creature of the night. Before Boulderella could decide between curiosity and concern, out popped a small, bent form holding a decorated staff. With a squeal, the Pirate Queen leaped back in utmost horror.

"Great Asgard above as I live and breathe, why did no one alert me to the presence of trolls on this island?!"

"Huh," huffed the smug Viking, "you never asked."

The wrinkly newcomer gave an annoyed grunt, then began scratching madly at the dirt with the end of the staff.

"Wha-what _is_ this? What's it _doing_? Someone explain!"

Still gasping for breath, the furry round Viking stepped beside the creature, red-faced and defensive. " _It_ is a _she_ and _she_ is a human and our tribal elder…"

Boulderella couldn't suppress a skeptical snort.

"…who just happens be the last living descendant of Sitrad the Sorceress."

She went rigid, choking on the snort as it caught in her throat. "W-what?"

"I said," the Viking replied carefully, "she's the last living descendant of _Sitrad_ the _Sorceress_. And she's telling you—more or less—that you can't go into the caves. Not only did you harm our former chief, you didn't give us enough time to work the special spells like he asked us to. If you set foot in there, you'll be—oh-ho, language, Gothi!"

The old woman snickered mischievously, punctuating the last few squiggled profanities with a hard poke.

Boulderella's face puckered, lips quivering while the blood boiled just beneath the surface. Here she was, at the end of her harrowing journey, wealth beyond imagining at her fingertips… _and these fools had the audacity for one last feeble attempt at saving their skins with ghost stories?!_

At wit's end and blinded by rage, she growled, lunging to snatch the tiny woman by the nape of the neck and hold her out for everyone to see like a helpless puppy. The crowd, including several crewmen, gasped as the elder squirmed angrily, beating out with gnarled fists and getting nowhere.

"ENOUGH!" the pirate woman shrieked, giving her current victim a shake. "I've had _enough_ of your ignorant nonsense and insubordination! I don't _care_ about your stupid legend or curse or whatever it is! I want my gold and I want it NOW! Do you understand me, you filthy halfwits? _Do you?!_ "

"A'right, a'right, ya great loon," said Limbless, waving his hook hand as he pushed to the front of the gathering. "Ya can have yer lousy treasure, ya can have whatever y'want from this Odin-forsaken cave! Just put'er down before ya get hurt."

Heedless of the insult, Boulderella obliged, albeit reluctantly, and the old woman glowered as she was returned to solid earth.

"Go ahead, then," Limbless relented further in a bitter tone. "Go inside and claim yer reward, ya've earned et. Ya…" he swallowed with some visible difficulty, "ya _deserve_ et."

Emboldened, Boulderella sniffled and straightened, adjusting her many skirts and belts in a show of confidence and poise.

"Yes. Yes, I _do_ deserve it." She paused to draw her sword and brandish it high in the air. "I, Boulderella the Backhanded, Queen of the High Seas, Captain of the _Screaming Valkyrie_ , and conqueror of this island, deserve _every bit_ of it! Let's go, boys!"

Instead of the rousing cheer she'd been expecting in return, the large woman was left hanging in an awkward, shuffling silence. Crewman looked to crewman in uncertainty, barely concealing their dread. Normally, not a single man would dare go against the wishes of their Queen. But this? This strange island haunted by centuries of secrets and curses was just too much. None of them budged.

"I said, _let's go_!"

The enraged stomp accompanying the command this time around sent pirates packing to join their leader as she ascended the incline leading to the opening. At the very top, just inside the cave's waiting jaws, she turned to draw a deep, satisfied breath. It was more out of show than anything, but it seemed appropriate for the moment.

"Ah, do you smell that?" Her eyes glinted wickedly. "That…is the smell of vict—"

As if Thor himself had struck the stone in utter irritation, a mighty, deafening crack rocked the very roots of the island before what seemed like half the mountainside came piling in front of the entrance. With a shriek, Boulderella launched herself backward into the cave, shoving panicking crewmen aside without mercy until her frantic little feet caught on a jut of stone. Down she went, toppling to the ground in a graceless heap.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

It was a full minute before it dawned on Boulderella that the crashing had stopped and—much to her utter embarrassment—she was the only one still sprawled on the ground screaming. A slight orange glow blooming through her scrunched eyelids brought out of her a sudden sharp gasp, choking off the screech. Then she leapt to her feet, attempting to smooth her skirts and ruffle the dust from her hair in a hasty effort of forced composure. One of her crewmen had found something long ( _dear Thor, was it_ a _human_ _leg bone?—oh, no…just a stray branch_ ) to use as a makeshift torch, which meant that everyone present had witnessed her very unladylike display.

"W-what are you filthy sea worms staring at?!" she snapped, hoping to counter her disheveled appearance with her signature commanding tone. "Gimme that!" She lunged, snatching the torch from the blinking crewman…then paused, blinking right back. "When did you two get here?"

Lugbait shared a confused glance with his gangly friend. "What're you talkin'? Been here the whole time, Captain."

"B-been here the whole t-t-time," repeated the companion in his irritating fashion.

She studied the older man in the flickering torchlight for a moment, piggy eyes running up and down every scruffy inch. These two were the most recent and lowest ranking additions to her crew. She barely knew them, only taking notice when there was some mundane or demeaning task that no one else would perform. Other than that, they kept to themselves, simply melted in with the rest of the men, were just another couple of faces in her doting throng.

Lugbait offered a flamboyant bow. "We're only here to serve you, My Lady, Fairest and Most Glorious Maiden of the Waves."

He was an odd one, that Lugbait, but she had to admit, he did seem to have a way with words. A way that stroked her ego in the right direction. It was just what she needed to restore some confidence. Perhaps a promotion was in order when all of this was over?

"Well…" she said, very much flattered, and almost giggled before remembering what she'd been yelling about moments before and carried on. "Why are you all just standing here?! That treasure won't claim itself. Get going, you lumps!"

"But what about the rockslide?" someone ventured.

"Captain, we can't get out! The opening's bl—"

She seized the second protester by the shirtfront, jerking him down to her level. "Then it's a good thing we're not going that way, is it? NOW MOVE!"

After tossing the man aside, the Pirate Queen took a quick survey of their small chamber, locating an opening near the back. It was small and jagged and much too ominous, but unless she wanted to sit there in utter boredom and watch her sailors dig through a wall of rock with their bare hands, it was the only way to go. She swallowed her uncertainty, one hand choking the torch, the other fishing around in a pocket for another prized talisman. Finding it, she whipped it out, brandishing it in front of her like a shield as she stormed ahead.

"Gold," she murmured shakily under her breath. "R-remember…the gold."

…

Conveniently, Boulderella was now the only one with a source of light. Her entourage had no choice but to trickle along behind, scrambling in the shadows to avoid being left in total blackness with nowhere to go.

The hole had been a bit of a squeeze, requiring three straining pirates pushing from the other side to pop Boulderella through, but the chamber on the other side was vast and echo-y, the torchlight merely a pinprick in its yawning depths. The emptiness was at the same time relieving and frustrating. There was nothing too frightening or even slightly remarkable in here, no monsters, no glowing eyes or wispy spirits. On the other hand, there was also no hint of treasure.

 _Ha, I knew that miserable boy was lying. Nothing to be afraid of. Just a dark, empty cave._

Bolstered by these thoughts, Boulderella relaxed a little, drew in a deep breath of musty air and plowed on, ignoring the scuffling and shoving going on behind her. Very soon all of this would be but a bad memory and she would be sitting on a heap of riches with those ugly barbarians under her boots. That was all that mattered now.

Ages seemed to pass, maddeningly slow, and with every twist, the party could almost feel the weight of the mountain bearing down upon them, heavier and heavier. Their precarious path veered steeply downward, becoming more treacherous with each step and prompting a few to wonder if it led to the gates of Helheim itself. Slippery stalagmites appeared everywhere, catching their boots and sending many a soul to a rough landing. Holes and crevices, like the eager mouths of starving beasts, opened on all sides, waiting for one misstep to deliver a tasty morsel. No one said a word, the only audible disturbance a constant _drip-drip-drip…_

…Until, from near the back, there came a bone-chilling shriek.

"HELP! ODIN HAVE M-M-MERCY, IT'S GOT ME! IT'S GOTRRAAGHK—"

And then it was gone, snuffed out completely as if someone had smothered a candle.

"Nutsy!" another wailed, immediately filling in the shocked silence that would have followed. "Quick, we gotta find'im! He can't of gone far!"

"He was just standin' right here not two seconds ago! Saw'im meself—"

"Move aside!" Boulderella forced herself into the gathering flock like a human avalanche. "Get out of my way! Let me see, _let me_ —"

The round pirate's insides froze solid as the torch illuminated Lugbait's colorless face and the evidence of the disappearance. On the ground for all to see was a patch of dirt marked by a set of fresh boot imprints. Raking across them were the deep grooves of clawing fingers leading to a gaping fissure not ten feet away. The crowning feature was a couple of glistening, red, hand-shaped smears on its lip…

 _Blood!_

No one spoke. They didn't have to. Every single one of them knew that someone or some _thing_ had seized the unfortunate Nutsy and dragged him out of the picture. Permanently.

"Thor a'mighty, that gawky Viking kid was right!" cried Lugbait, nearly sending the entire group out of their skins. "Get out! Get out while your head's still stuck to your neck!"

In an instant, sheer, every-man-for-himself, abandon-ship-at-all-costs hysteria exploded within the ranks, spreading like fire and scattering shouting pirates in all directions.

"Stop!" shrieked their captain from the middle of the chaos. "Where do you think you're _going_? I am your _Queen_! GET BACK HERE, YOU PATHETIC LITTLE PIECES OF—"

The sudden, monstrous roar was deafening, bringing all to the ground as it rolled through the cavern like a rogue wave. Before it ceased and started again, a bright green flash revealed on the far wall the shadow of some huge and hideously deformed creature.

Boulderella didn't stick around long enough to get a better look.

…

This kind of outright terror was a new experience for her. Never in her pampered life had she encountered a situation she couldn't gain control of with sweetened words and a few temper tantrums. And never had she been in such real and present danger.

Nothing mattered anymore. Not her crew, not the treasure, not even where she was going as long as it was away from the chaos behind her, away from the image of blood on stone, away from that creature.

It was impossible to tell where she was going. Twist after tunnel after tiny passage, it became painfully apparent that a compass might have served her far better than the trinkets and charms she'd stuffed her pockets with.

Finally, after she regained enough sense to realize that she was just becoming more hopelessly lost with every step, exhaustion halted her mad getaway in its tracks. Dizzy and unable to support her massive weight on her tiny, shaking feet any longer, she collapsed into something more closely resembling a blob of jiggling pink jelly than a person.

For several minutes she lay gasping like a beached whale, clutching her sputtering torch. She could no longer hear the screaming crew or the monster…or anything at all, for that matter. For the first time since her departure, it hit her that she was completely on her own. No one was there to tend to her every need or carry out her demands. Boulderella, the wily, fearless ruler of the seas, was left with nothing more than a few useless pieces of bone and metal and her own wits, the latter of which were dwindling fast.

On that thought, it suddenly occurred to her how close and suffocating the endless darkness of this cursed cave was. She was used to the open sea with the wind tousling her curls and the sky as her limit. Dark, enclosed spaces had always been a major weakness.

With some effort, she rolled to a sitting position and took a moment to gingerly examine herself. She'd been too frightened of what might be stalking her as she ran to notice much else, including pain. With a small whimper, she began counting every bit of torn clothing, every scratch, and especially the multiple chipped pink nails—

A dull scraping noise—like something dry sliding down a rough surface—behind her broke into her moment of self-pity. Heart skipping, Boulderella hopped up, drawing her sword with a practiced swipe. Trembling, the pirate held a quick, intense inner battle with herself.

 _Just a rodent or a bat or something…completely harmless…what fresh abomination could this place possibly unleash now…run or not run…stop this nonsense and go take a look!_

Gulping back a lump of fear, Boulderella prepared to force one foot forward…

As if to save her the trouble, something fairly large came rattling down to land at her feet in a macabre heap.

"NO!" she cried, dropping the torch and jumping back. "Nonono, this can't be!"

It was a pile of bones. Human. Not a shred of skin left to grace them.

"N-nutsy?!" she rasped, recognizing the stringy remains of the ragged jacket the man always seemed to be wearing whenever she decided to look in his direction.

The scream she let out was almost drowned out by the sudden gust of wind rushing past her, extinguishing the torch and leaving her petrified in total darkness. Then, from some unfathomable depth of the cave came a laugh. Soft and distant at first, the high, cold female voice grew into an echoing cackle.

 _The Sorceress…_

The laughter died, only to be replaced a few seconds later by the light pattering of bare but sure feet. Closer…closer…

The pirate stiffened as what felt like cold, clammy disembodied fingertips brushed her cheek. It was too much. Boulderella dropped to the ground in a fetal curl, scattering not-so-lucky charms everywhere while she covered her head and whimpered at the fiend. Heedless of her pleadings, the presence again began to laugh, but dwindled slowly until it disappeared into the black beyond as if it never existed.

 _Please let it be gone! Please let this be over!_

 _Step…click…_

Her blood curdled. Footsteps…

"Wh-who's th-th-there?" she called feebly through her arms, though she didn't really want to know the answer.

A lengthy silence…

 _Step…click…step…click…_

The sound brought her to her feet this time, breath catching in her throat like swallowed nails. Somehow, she knew those footsteps…or should she say "footstep". If she remembered correctly, one of them _had_ been missing.

 _The Chiiiiiieeef…._ came a chilling whisper right next to her ear.

"N-no, stop! P-please—"

 _You MURDERED the Chiiiiieeeef…_

"GET AWAY! GET AWAY—"

 _MURDERERRR!_

 _Step-click-step-click…_

He was coming for her and her alone. He was seeking bloody revenge for his humiliating, untimely death, for trying to take his island after he'd done everything he could to protect it. Why, why, why hadn't she listened to the slimy youngster while she'd had the chance? Why had she brought this curse upon her own head? She could have been miles away from this rock by now, happily forging on to new sources of wealth. But no, here she was, alone in a haunted cave, about to die in the ghostly grip of someone she'd already killed.

 _Step-click…_

It was right in front of her. Blinded by unchecked terror, Boulderella's mouth dropped open in a silent scream before an astounding blast of light and heat bowled her over backwards against a solid rock wall. Stunned, she could do nothing but gaze into the inferno at the tall, faceless specter occupying its very center.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

The light of the fire-sword illuminated what remained of the young chief, the licking flames bathing him in an angry orange and revealing him to be clad head to toe in a curious set of armor, every piece a glistening greenish-white. Shreds of seaweed and bits of frayed rope dangled from his arms and trailed from his legs, dragging behind him like chains on a slave. And Boulderella could not see his face. It was obscured by a grinning, skull-like mask, ghastly white like the rest of the outfit, except for the eyes—no. No, there were no eyes, only slits. Devoid of light or human warmth, they were blank, consuming pits, a pair of windows offering a glimpse into the nothingness that awaited her after her demise at his hands.

He had died a watery death, the death of a worthless, scrawny prisoner. And he had returned to her one last time as the wrathful spirit of a mighty Viking chief.

He raised the sword.

"NO!" screamed the pirate.

She cringed as the ghost began to swing the blade expertly, slicing through the musty air until it came to a sudden halt aimed directly at her heart.

"No, please!" she begged as he took a slow step toward her. "I will amend my ways! I'll never steal even so much as a coin ever again! I'll give up pirating—ch-change careers! Please, just spare me! Spare me!"

There was no response. The specter remained as still and silent as one of the surrounding stalagmites, seeming to drag her very soul through those eye slits.

Boulderella couldn't look away. From somewhere behind the mask, the wraith drew a noisy, rattling breath…

" _Get…off…my…ISLAND!"_ The voice was barely recognizable as that of the young man she'd tormented and murdered mere hours before. It was hoarse and ominous and filled with utter rage.

It was the last straw.

Screaming, Boulderella grabbed for any remaining talismans in her pockets, flinging them rapidly toward the apparition, but it deflected the feeble onslaught with barely a twitch of the sword.

When her pockets finally ran dry and all remaining sanity evaporated, she spun around and bolted, shrieking nonsense at the top of her lungs. She ran faster and harder than she ever had in her entire life, hopping piles of rock and open fissures, careening through tunnels and passages. And never once did she look back to see if the spirit was giving chase.

With one last turn, Boulderella found herself tumbling headlong down a steep slope. Skidding to a halt on her back, head downhill from her feet, she barely had time to register that the cave's ceiling had suddenly transformed into a dark gray sky before something huge whooshed over her, briefly obscuring it.

A chilling, Valkyrie-like scream ripped through the air like a bolt of lightning, sending the prostrate pirate scrambling to right herself. From the corner of one eye, she saw the Deadly Nadder, shooting upward at breakneck speed, a pale, ghostly arrow in the coming dawn. And atop it, arms spread wide and hair loose in the rushing wind, was a young woman. Boulderella could do nothing but watch as the dragon leveled.

 _The Sorceress._

In the half-second glance she took before sliding further down the hillside in a vain (and rather pathetic) attempt at escape, the pirate queen saw clearly the pale, gaunt face marred by scorch marks, the shreds of gauzy material flowing behind her, the fire in her eyes.

The Sorceress gave another piercing scream, and much to Boulderella's shock and despair, an entire fleet of dragons materialized at her back. There were Gronckles, Deadly Nadders, Hideous Zipplebacks, every type of dragon she had ever laid eyes on, each with a very angry-looking Viking rider on its back.

This…this couldn't be! How was it possible? These people were simpletons, morons barely capable of keeping themselves alive, and yet…they had conquered the beasts…

Perhaps she had underestimated them just a little…

Then, with a thunderous roar, the group tipped forward as one and descended after the apparition of their ancient ancestor in a dead plummet…directly toward the cowering pirate.

"NOOO!" Boulderella wailed. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. This was the end.

The otherworldly scream grew louder and louder by the second until the flying terror was right on top of her. Bouldrella squealed like a stuck pig as the Deadly Nadder's massive talons spread wide…

And suddenly, she was in the air, skirts flapping and limbs flailing. With a screech, the dragon's grip on her loosened and it flung her forward. She flopped helplessly in a freefall for several seconds before being snatched in midair by more talons.

"Hey!"

Was that…? She squinted up.

"Hey, Boulder-Butt!" Stocky yelled again. "What was that you were saying earlier about taking over Berk? Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of our awesomeness!"

Someone just a few feet below her sniggered mischievously…no, make that _two_ someones…blonde and sharing a Hideous Zippleback.

"This is fun!" shouted the tall obnoxious girl.

"We should do it again sometime!" put in her male counterpart.

Boulderella squirmed, tearing uselessly at the claws. "STOP! PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT!"

Stocky shrugged. "If you say so."

"WAIT, NO! PLEASE DON'T—NOOOOOOOO!"

Like spring-loaded traps, the talons snapped open and she fell, hurling every curse she had ever learned before the dark waves claimed her.

…

With a little help from Toothless, Hiccup clamored over the crest of the hill. There, sword still blazing as the dawn drew nigh, he surveyed all that was his to watch over, smiling when he found it to be completely devoid of pirates. It was over. He was back where he belonged, his people safe. Lifting his visor, and grinning from ear to ear, he waved the sword back and forth to the cheering, bouncing crowd at the bottom of the slope.

"We did it, bud," he said as the Night Fury bumped against him. "We did it. And I _promise_ I'm never getting us into something like this ever again…"

"You'd better not."

There was a breeze and a clatter of claws behind them and he turned to find Astrid and the other riders joining him for their moment of victory on the peak.

"Well, M'lady," Hiccup chortled as a very ghoulish version of his girlfriend strode over to him on bare feet, "or should I say 'Sitrad'? Either way, you look terrible."

She returned with a light punch to the shoulder, shreds of white floating after her arm.

"Why, thank you, my gristly, vengeful spirit. I won't lie, it was fun scaring the living spit out of that woman."

"And it was awesoooome!" the twins replied together, sharing a high five.

"Maybe a little too awesome…" Fishlegs mumbled into Meatlug's ear.

"But seriously," Tuffnut continued, rubbing his chin, "I think we should keep the cave just like that…maybe charge admission…"

His sister jumped with her fists in the air. "Yeah! We worked way too hard on all that just to let it go…" she paused, grinning evilly, "…without turning a profit, that is. What d'you think, Chief?"

The Chief wasn't listening. As a pinkish ray of sun burst from the eastern horizon, he scooped Astrid in for a kiss.

Snotlout uttered a disgusted noise. "Ok, now that's just weird. Go home and wash the paint off already. Geez, you're givin' me the creeps."

"I think it's cute," Ruffnut put in.

"Snotlout's right," Hiccup murmured, pulling away.

Astrid looked concerned. "Um…he is?"

"Let's go… _home_." The word was sweet on his tongue. "I just want to go home."

…

The riders touched down in the village to a hero's welcome, which entailed applause, overly-enthusiastic Viking-style hugs, handshakes and a couple bone-cracking claps on the back. Eventually, Hiccup, Toothless at his side, found his way through the crowd to where Gobber stood with Nutsy and Lugbait. A smile grew across the blacksmith's grizzled face as the young Chief stopped before him like a student awaiting the opinion of a well-loved teacher.

"Yeh did good, laddie."

Hiccup snorted. "Right. Because I handled getting myself kidnapped by crazy pirates so well…"

"I bet yeh'll be plenty prepared next time 'round, now, won't yeh?"

"Yes," Astrid joined them, gripping Hiccup's hand, "yes, he definitely will."

"Ugh, there'd better not _be_ a next time," groaned Hiccup, smacking his forehead.

"Oh, there won't," said Lugbait, "not for Boulderella, anyway. Saw her go down in the ruins of her rowboats and crew when the Snot kid's dragon dropped her. Never seen such a splash in my life. Probably out floundering around clingin' to a piece of driftwood. She can't swim and all…"

"Aye," said Gobber, "I'd like to see'er try to raid another island withou' a ship."

Hiccup grinned. "You got the _Screaming Valkyrie_?"

"Aye, Chief, she's all tied up nice and safe a' the docks and goin' nowhere soon."

"Perfect! As soon as everything's out of the hold, burn it. I never want to see that stupid boat again."

Lugbait and Nutsy exchanged a devious glance.

"It would be our pleasure," said the older sailor, rubbing his hands together.

"It w-would be our p-p-pleasure."

…

Astrid stepped over the threshold of the Haddock house, sweeping the main room for anything unusual. Aside from the remaining chipped pieces of crockery and bent frying pan, everything was in its rightful place. No sign whatsoever of intrusion or struggle.

She sighed, crossing the room to the steps leading to Hiccup's loft.

"Hiccup?" she called quietly. "Hiccup, are you up there?"

No answer.

With a tinge of nervousness, Astrid ascended the staircase and the sight that greeted her at the top stopped her in her tracks.

The room was warm and a little musty. A satisfied snort to her right alerted her to the presence of a very comfortable Toothless curled into himself with his head on his forelegs. Across the room, seated at the desk with his upper half resting on a pile of maps was Hiccup. He must have collapsed here after overseeing the beginning of the loot-sorting process. It was going to be a long, tedious and undoubtedly confusing process, but the young chief insisted that they at least try to return it all to its various rightful owners.

With a smile, she crept forward, noting the rise and fall of his back with every even breath, the patch of white paint still adorning his ruffled auburn hair.

She reached out to touch him, fingers brushing the top of his head…which snapped up suddenly, revealing a pair of wide green eyes.

"I'M STILL HERE!" Hiccup yelled, bumping the table and nearly sending the sputtering candle to the ground.

Jostled out of his nap by the sound of his best friend's voice, Toothless jumped to his feet, back arched.

Realizing it was only Astrid, Hiccup relaxed. "Oh…hi."

The young woman failed at holding back a giggle. "Hey, sleepyhead."

Hiccup blinked at her. "What…what're you doing here?"

"Well, I was going to suggest we go out and do some training…"

Hiccup rolled his eyes. "Uuunnngh, please no…"

"…but I think we can take a break for a day or two."

He froze mid-complaint and stared at her, almost suspiciously, then melted into a grateful sigh. "Oh, thank Asgard."

"Listen, about training…" Astrid paused, not believing she was actually going to say this, "…I think I may have been a little too rough on you."

"Wha…what'd you say?"

"I'm saying we can lighten up a little bit. I guess…I can't really blame you for disappearing every session if I'm pounding you into the dirt. You have a lot on your mind and it's kind of…not fair to you."

"Who are you and what've you done with my girlfriend?"

She poked him playfully.

"That being said, you have to promise me you'll get in some training at least three times a week. At _least_."

"Fair enough, M'lady."

"Do you promise me?"

Hiccup yawned. "W-with all…my heart."

Astrid turned momentarily to a crooning Toothless as he rubbed against her leg and gave him a light scratch under the chin.

"I love you so much, Hiccup, and I just want you to be safe. I never want to go through something like this again. Ever. You understand that, right?" When her question went unanswered, she glanced back toward the desk. "…Hiccup?"

She laughed quietly to herself. He was fast asleep in much the same position he had been when she'd arrived a couple minutes ago. Gently smoothing a tuft of unruly auburn hair through her fingers, she planted a kiss on his freckled cheek.

 ** _The End_**


End file.
